From Landover, Maryland.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts plans on changing Sika and Mr. Fuji's futures tonight. Tito Santana and Rick Martel yell "Strike Hard, Strike First, Bolsheviks beware!" Bobby "The Brain" Heenan says Andre the Giant will officially be in King Kong Bundy's corner for his rematch with Hulk Hogan tonight. Hulk says Bundymania is dead, and Hulkamania will live forever.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura chides Vince McMahon for speaking for him and wishing the crowd Happy New Year. Then Jesse says "Happy New Year."
Slick says they aren't im-pressed, they are de-pressed by Strike Force. The peace-loving Bolsheviks bring a message of sportsmanship and good citizenship. Zhukov was fresh off of the boat from the AWA at this point.
Best two out of three falls, WWF tag team championship, The Bolsheviks vs. Strike Force (c)- Nikolai sings the Soviet National Anthem. We see footage of Strike Force's win over the Hart Foundation the previous fall. Vince said it was the first time we'd seen the Boston Crab. Boris gets a shoulderblock but Tito slams him and gets an armdrag. Martel tags, and they both punch Zhukov in the belly welly. Quick tags as the work the arm. NIkolai in, and Martel rolls him up for two. He then gets a small package for two. Boris in, but gets rammed into the buckles. Tito ducks under a clothesline and hits a flying bodypress, but Volkoff breaks up the pin. Lariat from Volkoff gets two. Nikolai knees him in the face, then chokes him with the bottom rope. Zhukov then chokes with his boot. Legally in, he hits a back suplex for two. Slam by Zhukov, but he misses an elbow. Santana crawls to make the tag, and Martel hiptosses Zhukov and nails Volkoff. Baaaack bodydrop leads to a Boston Crab, and Tito hits Volkoff with the flying forearm.
Santana dropkicks Volkoff over the top to begin, and they hit a double dropkick on Zhukov. Martel slams him, then locks on the Boston Crab until Volkoff breaks it up. He drops Martel on teh top rope, and gutwrench suplexes him. Volkoff presses him into a gutbuster for two. Martel gets rammed into Zhukov's boot, and the Russians doubleteam with quick tags. Martel kicks Volkoff out of the corner, but can't make the tag. The Russians hit him with a back elbow, and a Volkoff kneedrop gets two. Martel gets a sunset flip for two, and hits a dropkick. Martel makes the tag, and Tito dropkicks both Russians twice each. He hits the forearm on Zhukov but Nikolai breaks it up. Nikolai grabs the cane but hits Zhukov by mistake, as Strike Force win in consecutive falls. ** It's funny to see the Russians positioned as a legitimate threat, after seeing them as glorified jobbers the rest of their run.
Mr. Fuji and Sika have a giant sub and mustard, and Fuji says Damian is dinner. Free advice: never take food cooked by Mr. Fuji.
Sika vs. Jake Roberts- Jake armdrags Sike twice, and works the arm. Sike misses punches, and grabs the top rope on an Irish whip, and gestures for Sika to kiss his bottom. Great job, you outsmarted a jungle savage. Jake shoulders him in the lower abdomen in the corner, but Jake stops and punches him. Sika then gets a baaaack bodydrop to turn the tide. Fuji gets cheap shots as Sika distracts the ref. Sika gets a nerve hold on Jake. Sika then ducks for a backdrop but Jake knees him. Fuji grabs Jake's leg but then Sika misses a charge and gets pinned. * Jake gets the bag, backdrops a carging Sika out, then DDTs Fuj the Stooge. He dumps Damian on Fuj just 'cause. Jesse wisely notices Fuj survived with his hat still in place.
Heenan tells Okerlund he won't be in Bundy's corner, but Andre will (doctor's orders, of course).
WWF championship, King Kong Bundy vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- We see footage of Hulk picking Heenan up by the neck at the last SNME, after Heenan caused Hogan to get counted out against Bundy. Heel Andre kind of made Bundy and Big John Studd obsolete, in my opinion. Hulk is wearing the alternate full yellow bandana instead of headband, as his fashion choices on these SNMEs continue to vex me. He's preparing a 24-gun salute, he says. Hulk gestures at Andre to come in the ring, as Ventura says he's not concentrating on Bundy. They lock up and Hogan shoves Bundy away. He pushes a charging Bundy into the buckles, and rams his head to the top buckles around the ring. Hulk big-boots Bundy, which knocks him to the floor. Andre gave him advice, but it probably didn't include "get punched and clotheslined." Bundy takes a breather again, and back inside Hogan drops him with punches and wrings his arm. Bundy reverses, and yanks Hogan's hair to get him down. Hogan punches and hits shoulderblocks, before taking a back elbow. Bundy works his arm on the top rope, and rams him into the buckles. Hogan punches his way out, and slams Bundy. He misses an elbow drop with his bad arm, however. Bundy slams him but also misses elbowdrops. Hogan whips him to the buckles and clotheslines him. Bundy reverses a second time, and whips Hogan into the corner. The ref then gets avalanched in the corner. Hogan punches Bundy through the ropes as Dave Hebner comes in to take over. The ref who bellows a lot does a stretcher job, and Bundy comes back in the ring. Bundy rakes his eyes. I was hoping the match was going to end there. Clothesline by Bundy, and he drops a knee for two. Bundy chops Hogan out of the ring, as Andre chides Hebner about counting slow. I do like that Dave Hebner is now involved here and is arguing with Andre. Bundy stands on Hogan as he tries to regain the ring. Bundy shoulderblocks Hogan down, and gets a two count. He chinlocks Hogan as Andre says Hogan quit. Bundy hits an avalanche, but celebrates before making a cover. Bundy then hits another at Andre's instance, and a splash gets two. Hulk whips Bundy sternum-first into the buckles, and when he falls on his back Hogan legdrops him for the win. *1/2. Andre gets on the apron and Hogan challenges him. Andre waves him off and goes outside, but climbs back in and famously grabs Hogan by the hair for a headbutt, then a choke. The British Bulldogs try to pry Hulk off. They hit him with axehandles, but Hogan rams their heads together and tosses them out. Andre grabs the choke again, as the Junkyard Dog, Jake Roberts and Strike Force now try to pry Andre off. Hacksaw Duggan then cracks Andre with his 2x4 to get him off, which finally works. More foreshadowing there. Andre holds up the belt in the ring, then lays it at Hulk's feet.
Jesse talks to Jimmy Hart and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. From the sounds of it Hammer just took Jimmy on as his manager. Maybe Luscious Johnny V was fired, because Dino Bravo (who is just the worst) had Frenchy Martin as his manager at the first Royal Rumble later in the month.
Greg "The Hammer" Valentine vs. Koko B. Ware- When I saw how long this match was going to be, I procrastinated for as long as I could. Unfortunately, kids, I'm not totally enjoying these shows. The huge angles I grew up on are fun to watch for the millionth time (and I am psyched for doing The Main Event next week), but these undercard matches are intolerable. Anyway, Koko knocks Hammer down with a shoulderblock, but takes a Hot Shot. Valentine drops the hammer for two. Chops and elbows to the head commence. Hammer drops an elbow from the top, then kind of does Paul Orndorff's Boogie Woogie elbow for two. Koko goes out, and Hammer works him over on the apron. Valentine hits a clothesline, which makes me realize why his LJN figure had its arm outstretched. Brutus Beefcake wanders out, and Koko gets a small package near-fall. A Koko backslide also gets two, and Valentine bails out. Referee Joey Marella hops out and tells Beefcake to hit the bricks. After a break Valentine whips Koko to the corner twice, and gets a backdrop. An elbow gets two. Hammer slams Koko, and goes to the top (!). Koko slams Hammer off, and they slug away. Koko headbutts Hammer, and he does the "fall like a tree" spot. Koko does a fist drop off the buckles for two. Hammer gets the figure four and the win. *1/2. It could have been worse. Hammer gets the figure four again, and holds it until Beefcake returns. He chases Hammer to the back, and Koko grabs Jimmy Hart by the ankle.Beefcake then returns and menaces Hart with the hedge clippers. He actually tried to cut Hart's hair with them, which I don't remember him ever doing.
Gene talks to Andre and Heenan. Andre said it felt so good to choke Hogan, so he did it again and again. Bobby says he's got big plans, and is "this" close to cinching the biggest deal ever. Boy was he ever. Andre chokes Gene like he did to Bob Uecker at Wrestlemania IV (and how Big Show refused to do to me for a photo).
Gene and Jesse yack outside of Hogan's lockerroom. He might need a trach, may have a crushed windpipe, maybe a crushed larynx. Way to cover all of the bases, Gene.
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