Randy "Macho Man" Savage tells Ted Dibiase there is no room in the Danger Zone for his kind or his money. "The Million Dollar Man" threatens to bring something worth its weight in gold (Andre). Oh God no- Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake is facing Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. The One Man Gang is going to beat Ken Patera. Hulk Hogan will bow to King Harley Race. Hulk says Harley will be crowned like he's never been before.
From Nashville, Tenn. Jesse "The Body" Ventura says Vince McMahon has the IQ for being from the south, and checks Vince's neck- yep, red. Ha- someone behind Jesse held up a hat saying "shit happens." Gotta love HD.
They show footage of Andre's clean victory over Hulk Hogan at the last Main Event. Jesse thinks it's doctored, and doesn't even looks like Indianapolis. He also claims Hogan hired the twin referee. Jesse says it'll be resolved at Wrestlemania IV. Guess they were allowed to promote Mania this year.
"Mean" Gene is, sigh, with Valentine and Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart. The Hammer is going to tenderize Beefcake with the Hammer. Yep.
Greg Valentine vs. Brutus Beefcake- I saw some sort of documentary on Beefcake on the Network as I was falling asleep today. I'd actually like to see the whole thing, but couldn't find it afterwards. Beefcake- "Don't get into a lather, Mean Gene- when it comes to wrestling, I've got the edge." There were several other barber/scissors puns, but I'll spare you. Brutus chases Valentine out of the ring with the clippers to begin. After putting them down, Brutus pulls out a pair of scissors, which he surrenders to Dave Hebner. I was always amused that Earl Hebner became the WWF's head ref, and was always identified by name. Kayfabe-wise, it seems pretty ridiculous to hire him. It's a shovefest to begin. Hammer knees him in the gut and forearms him to gain an advantage, but gets hit with a high knee. Bodyslam, and Brutus whifs on a big boot, but Hammer does his oversell anyway. He hits an atomic drop, twice. Brutus hits a running elbow to the head, and flips over for a near-fall. Brutus pounds him in the corner, and Hammer takes a flat bump. Hammer cheapshots to take over, and chops Brutus in the throat. Hammer goes up to drop an elbow to Beefcake's head, then hammer winds up before dropping the hammer for two. Rope-assisted figure four, but Hebner breaks it up. Beefer rolls outside, and the Honky Tonk Man walks out and grabs the mic. He taunts Beefcake and mentions WMIV, so that match must have already been announced. When we return Hammer is throwing Beefcake back in, and drops the hammer to Beefer's head. Bodyslam, and he drops his head to Brutus' groin. He snaps Beefer's leg in preparation for the figure four. Beefer pulls him down by the trunks to escape the leglock, and launches Hammer into the buckles. Beefer punches and chops Valentine, and hits a back elbow off of the ropes. He locks in the sleeperhold, as my Chromecast taps out from all of the excitement. The two tumble to the floor, and Beefcake throws him back in. Hart stops Beefcake, and when Brutus chases him Hammer nails the Barber. Valentine back-suplexes him but Beefcake gets his shoulder up and wins. *3/4. Not as bad as it could have been? It was at least less than 10 minutes. While Hart and Valentine continue to celebrate, Brutus cuts off a lock from the Hammer. He then scares away an attacking Hammer with the shears, and pulls off Hart's coat.
Gene talks to Race and Heenan. Heenan demonstrates how to bow to the King.
Harley Race vs. Hulk Hogan- I like how SNME has had these dream NWA champion vs. Hogan matches, with Terry Funk and now Race. It was a tag match, but the ultimate matchup like that occurred on the Feb. '92 SNME. We'll get to that, hopefully in my lifetime. Hogan chases off Heenan to begin. He slides in, and Race drops elbow on him. Hulk no-sells, but Race headbutts him multiple times. Hulk finally no-sells that, and punches away. He celebrates, then clotheslines Harley out of his boots (not really), and then onto the timekeeper's table (really). Hogan battering-rams Race to the post, then chases Heenan, who had just returned. Race attacks Hogan from behind, then tries a piledriver. Hogan backdrops him like Andre did to him at WM3. Hogan atomic drop, and he rams Harley's head to the post. Hogan breaks the count, then slams Harley on the floor. Hulk throws him back in, and elbows his head. Hogan chops him down, as I wonder when Race is gonna get some heat. Hogan chokes Race with his wristtape, and Joey Marella does nothing. Hogan clotheslines Race with the tape, then punches and chokes Race. Heenan grabs Hulk by the kneepad. When he pulls him up to the apron and chokes him, Race finally turns the tide. He drops knees and headbutts, then hits a swank belly-to-belly suplex. Race gets a piledriver, then kicks Hogan in the head. Race tosses Hogan to the floor, then positions the table. He lays Hogan down on it, then misses a headbutt onto Hogan and breaks the table with his head. My memory was that being the end, but they head back in. Race goes to the top and connects with a headbutt. Race covers but Hogan kicks out. Hulk Up sequence engaged, and he gets the legdrop for the 1-2-3. It almost looked like they did a second take, as Race started sitting up when he came off the ropes with the legdrop, but on another camera angle he was laying down. ***, I think they retroactively blamed the missed table headbutt for Race taking off most of the rest of the year, with the hilarious graphic of Race's head in the clouds like he had died. Hulk of course poses and does the belt gesture (think Aaron Rodgers).
Gene talks to Dibiase. It's odd they had the Mania IV main event here, but it's not like that match was announced for the ppv or anything.
Ted Dibiase vs. Randy Savage- Andre comes lumbering out, of course. Virgil was jawing at Liz, so Savage slapped him. Dibiase then came out and attacked him. Dibiase throws him back in and chokes Savage on the top rope. Dibiase hits a back elbow off of the ropes, and stomps his throat. Dibiase rams him to the top buckle, and does the Aaron Rodgers gesture. Dibiase hits an axehandle, then chokes Savage. Andre shoves Savage to the middle of the ring, as McMahon claims that Dave Hebner was finderprinted. Right. Savage hits a back elbow, then kicks Dibiase coming off of the ropes. Savage hits a flying knee to Ted's back to send him outside. Back in, Savage hits an axehandle. He catches Ted's foot and clotheslines him for two. Savage snaps his neck on the top rope, and kicks him to the chest. He elbows Dibiase to the floor. Dibiase hammers him back in, and drops a fist, then an elbow. Dibiase whips him to the corner, but eats a boot on a charge. An elbowdrop gets two. Bodyslam, but Savage misses a kneedrop. Savage kicks out of a figure four attempt, which flips Dibiase over the top rope. Dibiase gets rammed into the apron, but Andre menaces Savage and Virgil cheapshots Macho Man. Hebner ejects Virgil. Dibiase hits an axehandle, and drops an elbow. He locks on a headlock, which goes on for a long time. Savage regains his feet, and hits a shoulderblock an clothesline. He gets a baaaack bodydrop, and Dibiase collides with the ref. Savage tosses Dibiase over the top, then hits a flying axehandle to the floor. Andre headbutts Savage, and rams him to the post. Liz runs to the back, and Andre destroys Savage. The ref wakes up, and Andre acts all innocent standing over Savage's carcass. Dibiase wins by countout. ***1/4. This was a longer match than WMIV, albeit with a worse ending. They continue to work Savage over, until Hogan arrives with a chair. Hulk and Liz help Savage to his feet, as Ventura speculates on whether he'll make it to Mania.
The Killer Bees vs. Islanders- Ventura interviews the heels. Heenan has like beekeeper's headgear on, and a leash. I like that the graphic for the Islanders is an erupting volcano. Brunzell jumps Tama and slams him. A legdrop gets two. Blair jumps in on Tama's arm, and gets two on a rollup. Brunzell back in, on the arm. Brunzell misses a dropkick, and gets headbutted. Tama suplexes him for two. Haku in, and hits a dropkick for two. Tama gets atomic dropped, but Haku gets the tag. A double-clothesline drops both men, and both make tags. Blair atmoic drops Tama, and cheapshots Haku. He bodyslams both heels, and gets a rollup on Tama. With the ref distract by Brunzell, Haku clotheslines Blair and covers him. *1/2. Quite rushed, but put the Islanders over. I also hate B. Brian Blair, so I was glad to see him get beaten.
Slick insults U.S. Olympians, and says Gene's son (who I think was on the hockey team) was also a loser. Gene also says the One Man Gang may not be a bad idea for a catcher for the Yankees.
One Man Gang vs. Ken Patera- OMG jumps Patera before he can get his pants off. He then chokes Ken with them. Patera fires back, and whips Gang to the corner. Ken gets a barehug, and even gets Gang off of his feet. Gang rakes the eyes to escape. Patera gets the full nelson (!), and Gang makes the ropes. OMG rams him the corner and splashes him, but Patera turns the tables. Ken whips him into the corner, and hits a knee. He hammers on the Gang, but Gang hits a clothesline that knocks both men over into a pinfall. *3/4. Patera had wayyy more offense here than I expected. Patera tried to slam Gang afterward, but Slick hit him with his cane.
Gene accuses Hulk of maniacal behavior as of late. There's a lot of that going around these days. Jesse offers a medical diagnosis of Hulk's psyche. Maybe he could speak before Congress today...
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