Saturday Night's Main Event #26- Texas! Texas! Texas!

New WWF champion The Ultimate Warrior says he won't walk in Hulk Hogan's footsteps. He'll walk where no man has ever been, instead. Bobby "The Brain" Heenan says Haku will make history in Texas and become the WWF champion. He also says Warrior will be another lonesome cowboy.

Vince and Jesse are riding horses in the aisle.

Sean Mooney talks to Mr. Perfect and the Genius. Hogan will show the world his only perfect quality- being a perfect loser. Sounds about right.

Mr. Perfect vs. Hulk Hogan- Here we have your typical SNME feud blowoff weeks or months after the feud ended on the house show circuit. Hulk talks to Gene; I played it twice and still didn't hear anything of note. This is non-title because Hogan lost the belt at Wrestlemania VI. The Genius has a permed-out wig because Brutus Beefcake cut his hair at that event. Hogan shoves Hennig to the buckle, and he goes over the top. Hennig hiptosses Hogan, and Poffo skips around ringside. Vince hypothesizes that Texas isn't ready for the Genius. Hogan hiptosses and slams Perfect twice. Hennig walks it off outside. Hennig pulls hair to get Hulk to the corner, and whips him to the other buckle. Hogan crumples, and Hennig kicks him in the ribs. Hulk whips Hennig and tries for the big boot, but Hennig evades and heads to the floor. Hennig goes over to Genius and Hogan chops him. Hogan whips him to the "iron" ringpost. Perfect cowers from Hogan, who picks him up for a clothesline. Hogan whips him to the corner and follows with a clothesline. Hogan hits an axebomber, and a back elbow sends him over the top to the floor. Hogan pounds on him on the floor, and thwarts an attack attempt by the Genius. Hogan tries to chase him into the ring, but Hennig nails him with the metal scroll. This of course leads to a commercial break. Perfect works him over outside, and rolls Hogan back in. Hennig necksnaps Hogan, and chokes him on the top rope. Perfect drops elbows, but finally misses one. Hogan starts Hulking Up. He whips Hennig to the ropes, slaps his left shoulder, then Hennig kicks that shoulder. I'm thinking that was a signal. Hennig hits the Perfect Plex, which Hogan kicks out of at two. The sequence has also been reignited. Big boot, legdrop. ** This was aiight. Poffo hits him with the scroll, and Hogan tosses him to the floor. I'm surprised Hennig has any credibility left after this, even with his I-C title tourney win. I should note how annoying McMahon is being here with all of his Texas-related references. He says something like "we got ourselves a bar-B-cue!" here, showing his lack of awareness of anything outside his little bubble. See also the story of his introduction to the burrito.

The Mountain Dew Slam of the Night (!) shows Randy Savage doing an axehandle and elbowdrop.

Noted cowboy Rick "The Model" Martel does an ad for Arrogance cologne.

Jesse talks to Earthquake and Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart. Jimmy says something about making Hillbilly Jim squeal like a pig. I didn't get the connection, but I usually zone Jimmy Hart out anyway.

Earthquake vs. Hillbilly Jim- Gene talks to Jim. He rambles about whatever, and at the end he and Gene say hello to Jim's Granny. The only "granny" I recognize is Gladys Gibson. Quake charges while Jim hangs his horseshoe on the ringpost, and Jim gives him chops and punches. He rams Tenta's head to the top buckle repeatedly. Hillbilly then chops Quake, and does a fuckin' cartwheel. Quake then rams his shoulder to Jim in the corner, splashes him once, but misses a charge and gets booted in the head by Jim.  Hillbilly claps around Quake's ears, but gets distracted by Hart going after his horsehoe and gets splashed in the corner. Quake does the tremors and butt splashes Hillbilly into obscruity. * Was there any good reason to give Hillbilly that much offense? When was the last time he was relevant before this. Quake gives him two more butt splashes after the bell and drops elbows, despite the Hulkster wrestling immediately before this. Hulk is the worst friend ever, followed closely by John Cena.

We see Martel's commercial for his fragrance, "Arrogance." The two ladies popping up from below makes this even more Val Venis-like (listen to their respective theme songs once).

Jesse talks to Bret "Hitman" Hart and Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart. When they say the Rockers will have a heart attaack, Jesse adds "sounds like angina to me!' Even Vince is like, "what now?"

Hart Foundation vs. The Rockers-  The Rockers tell Gene they want a shot against Demolition, too. Hart starts with Jannetty. Marty goes under and over Bret, but gets hip tossed. Shawn hits a body press after getting a tag. Marty tagged, and they both kick Bret in the gut and get a double Russian leg sweep. Anvil comes in and clotheslines them both. Bret then gets the tag. He shoulderblocks Janntty, who then evades him coming off the ropes and trips the Anvil. Jannetty tags Shawn, who can’t shoulder or slam the Anvil down. A Michaels dropkick gets two, though. Anvil catches Shawn on a crossbody attempt, and gets a big body slam. Bret tagged, and he atomic drops Michaels coming off the ropes. Bret gets a clothesline, then wishbones him. Anvil in, and Bret knees Michaels coming off the ropes. Anvil gives Shawn a baaaaack body drop. Bret in with a head Butt to Shawn’s back, then a neck snap. He drops an elbow to the throat, and whips Shawn hard into the buckles. Anvil hammers Shawn’s neck, and shoulders him in the corner. Anvil whips Bret, who reverses and sends the Anvil in for Two. Shawn gets a sunset flip as Ax and Smash come for a closer look. Bret gets a back breaker, but Bret gets distracted and Shawn drop kicks him out before the break. Bret rams Shawn to the top buckles, as Demolition is still there. Shen eats boot on a charge, but Bret misses an elbow from the middle. Shawn tags Jannetty, who hits a flying back elbow (and gives the Anvil a taste, too). He gets a powerslam, and sweet chin music gets two. Jannetty gets a sunset flip for two. Bret gets a swinging neck breaker, and tags Anvil. The catapult misses, and Shawn gets tagged. Anvil shoulderblocks him for Two, and Shawn clothesline’s him for two. Shawn gets caught on a body press attempt, and gets tossed to the floor. Demolition picks him up, but Jannetty runs over and hits Ax. The Demos spill into the ring, and a schmoz causes the DQ. It was a great match until then. *** It was interesting hearing Jesse be so critical of Demolition; I guess they hadn’t started their official heel turn yet.

Mooney talks about what he did to Hillwilliam, and also Hogan. Gene then talks to Hulk. Obviously things are brewing between the two.

Jesse talks to Heenan and Haku, after a recap of The Ultimate Challenge. Texas will finally have someone and something to be proud of.

Gene talks to the new WWF champion. His first title defense on TV will be against a Heenan Family member. Well that makes a little more sense; before I was wondering why a man who just lost the tag team titles was getting a world title shot. He has been chosen to lead his Warriors through the darkness without fear, and carry the sacred banner of the WWF. He's a different Warrior than the Heenan Family has faced in the past. Haku is only moments away from being obliterated.

WWF championship match, Haku vs. The Ultimate Warrior (c)- Haku chops his throat to start. Warrior kicks and chops, and hits a baaaaack bodydrop. Warrior tries to clothesline him over the top, but he falls and rolls out instead. Haku rolls back in, an Warrior shoulderblocks him. Warrior chops him, and works his arm. He then tosses a charging Haku to the floor. Haku attacks Warrior coming into the ring, but gets his head rammed into the top buckle. Warrior whips Haku, but runs into a knee. Haku drops Warrior after two clotheslines, but Warrior keeps popping up and gets clotheslined again. Haku dropkicks him for two. Heenan lectures the ref. Haku headbutts and chops Warrior, then backbreakers him for two. Haku hitsa back suplex for another two. Haku slams him and hits a splash for two. Warrior then Hulks Up, basically. He clotheslines Haku repeatedly, then shoulderblocks and splashes him for the win. Heenan tried to trip him during that but failed. *1/2. The match did what it was intended to, but started the trend of Warrior getting weak challengers.

Now Martel is playing tennis, at night apparently.

We see footage from Wrestlemania VI, as Ted Dibiase attacked the Big Boss Man before his match with Akeem. Sean Mooney then talks to Slick and Akeem. Slick says Dibiase has upped his ante, and given them an offer they can't refuse. They're going to finish BBM tonight. Slick's promos have been a bright spot on these SNMEs for me; I find them quite entertaining. And that's not even mentioning his dancing.

Akeem vs. Big Boss Man- BBM tells Gene that justice is blind, but not when it comes to payoffs. You can't buy morality, honesty and integrity. And most of all you can't buy him. Things are bigger in Texas, including the beating he's going to give. They slug away to begin. Bossman drags him out of his corner by his feet, and hiptosses the big man. He hits his rope-assisted butt splash, and misses a corner splash. Akeem then splashes him in the corner, as Jesse's going on about this match being dirtier than the Democratic primary in Texas. I don't even know what that's about. Akeem then shakes his ass, and sits on his face in the corner. Is that the first-ever Stinkface? God I hated that when Rikishi did it. Slick was holding BBM. Akeem hits a back elbow and a splash, and BBM kicks out and starts a Hulk Up sequence. Akeem tries a piledriver but gets backdropped over the top. BBM brings him in the hard way, and hits a headbutt. BBM rams his head into the buckle, and AKeem keeps hitting his head even after BBM stops. He hits the Boss Man slam, but Dibiase and Virgil attack him for the DQ. 1/2* They hit a double clothesline, and stomp away. They handcuff Boss Man to the top rope, and work him over. Virgil gets the night stick, but BBM has a key, so he attacks the heels and retrieves the stick. He chases the heels out of the arena.

And yet another "Arrogance" ad. Did they cut out a match or something? This show is filler-a-rama. Oh, and now Mooney is with Heenan. He noticed weaknesses in the Warrior, and "Ravishing" Rick Rude will beat him again, this time for the WWF championship.

Warrior talks again before they sign off. The Harts-Rockers match was good, and it was nice to see a blowoff of Hogan-Hennig, especially since I saw them wrestle in December 1989 at a house show in Milwaukee. The trend of Warrior getting weak opponents as champion had already started, though.

The Main Event #3- If your ass is a Buster...

Randy "Macho King" Savage says he has the most powerful hand in the world. We see WWF president Jack Tunney informing Earl Hebner he will be the inside the ring referee, and new world boxing champion James "Buster" Douglas will be the outside the ring referee.

Live from Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. It's notable that in the intro video they showed footage from the Mike Tyson vs. Douglas fight. I don't even know who promoted/broadcasted the fight.

Gene talks to Randy "Macho King" Savage and Queen Sherri. He's glad "Iron" Mike Tyson pulled out as referee. He found out that Tyson's great-grandmother is a card-carrying Hulkamaniac, so there's no way he'd call it down the middle.

WWF championship, Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Savage and Sherri get carried down in a double throne by some peasants, I mean jobbers. Gene talks to Hogan about how this is probably the last time he'll ever face Savage. Oh, Hulky. If Douglas doesn't call it down the middle, Hogan will end up the new boxing champion, too. After Hulk's entrance we go to Gene with Buster. He did it for himself, his country and his mother. He's going to call it like he sees it. I still feel like this match lost all of its intrigue once Tyson was out. I'm not even sure if him losing even mattered in this situation. So Buster comes out with some goof who McMahon says is his manager. Buster gets quite a pop, at least. Hulk and Savage lock up, and Hogan shoves him to the mat. Savage steps out for a breather. Hogan drops him witha ashoulderblock, Savage goes out and Douglas prevents Hogan from going after him. Savage knees Hulk's midsection, and punches him. He snaps Hogan's neck on the top, and knees him in the back to the floor. Savage goes up but Douglas stands between them. Savage kneelifts Sherri off the apron. Hulk gets a clothesline. Hulk rams him to the buckle, and hits a back elbow in the opposite corner. Hulk punches him on the middle turnbuckle, and hits the Axebomber. Hogan body slams Savage and drops elbows. He gets on top for puches in lieu of a pin attempt. He gets an atomic drop, but Sherri trips him coming off the ropes. Savage jumps on Hogan, knocking down Sherri. Savage gets a clothesline for two, and drops knees and chokes Hogan. Sherri chokes Hogan but Buster comes over and ejects her. That of course leads to a commercial break, and Douglas is running back out when we return. Savage has a sleeper on the mat, with Hogan Hulking Up on the third arm raise. He shoulderblocks Savage, but gets clotheslined. Savage makes an arrogant cover, and throws out Hogan. Savage hits an axehandle to the floor, and another back in the ring.. He gets two off of that. He makes several more pin attempts, all for naught. Savage punches Hogan to the floor. Macho prepares for the flying axehandle but Douglas stands between them. Savage instead elbows him in the throat. Back in, Savage body slams Hulk and goes up for the elbow. He hits it, and Hogan powers out at two. Way to kill his finish, Hulky. Hulk Up sequence activated. Hulk hits the big boot but Savage drags him outside. Savage rakes his eyes and rolls in. Hogan punches Savage (and referee Earl Hebner gets knocked out) and legdrops Savage, and Douglas counts the pin (fast, I might add, plus Savage was kicking out at three). Savage argues with Hebner, then points at Douglas. Hulk tries to instigate a fight between Savage and Douglas. Savage points in Douglas' face, and bounces around like Ali. Savage slaps Douglas, then lays on the top rope in the corner. Savage bobs and weaves, and grandstands in front of Hogan. Hulk shoves Savage into Douglas, who "hits" Savage once, then gets a good one on camera to KO the Macho Man. Man, Hogan was such a bastard to Savage. Hulk then poses with Buster. Douglas would learn, as Holly Holm did several years later in the UFC, that beating the man (or woman) doesn't cause you to replace them as a star. Especially when you lose your first title defense.

The Warrior (without Okerlund) says he can smell it; it's in the air. He never says what "it" is, but names some planets and says he can also feel it.

Fuck, Vince threw it to the Slam of the Night, but I was once again thwarted.

Jesse talks to Dino, Jimmy Hart and Earthquake. Bravo accuses the Warrior of not having brains. I hope Dino is counting Hart as his. Jimmy says Warrior doesn't have Earthquake insurance, and Jesse says it sounds like a case of double indemnity. Vince replies that Jesse doesn't even know what that is. Boy, how dumb do you have to be to not know what double indemnity is? Everyone know that! It's, um...hey, look at that snowy owl! (Runs out the door).

WWF Intercontiental championship, Dino Bravo vs. The Ultimate Warrior (c)- Now Gene talks to Warrior, who says he doesn't have Earthquake insurance. He doesn't need it, because the life that flows into their bodies is not that of the normals. A natural disaster can't prevent him from fulfilling the Ultimate Destiny. Warrior rushes the ring and gets a powerslam. Helwig heads to the top rope, and hits an axehandle. He tries to go up again, and Earthqyake grabs his ankle. When Warrior goes after him, Bravo cheapshots him. Back in, Warrior hiptosses Bravo, but Quake grabs his ankle again. Bravo clotheslines him to the floor, but Warrior rolls under the ring, and then pulls Hart under on the other side. Hart then comes out without his pants. Warrior throws him onto Quake, but Bravo hits him and then Quake body slams him. Bravo axehandles Warrior on the back, and grabs a bearhug. Warrior breaks the hold, and gets one of his own. Bravo rakes the eyes to escape, and hits the side slam for only two. Bravo keeps attacking the back, but Warrior does his own Hulk Up. He headbutts Bravo, punches and clotheslines him, and hits a shoulder tackle. A splash gets the pin. * Quake then imediately clotheslies him, and the Canadains stomp on Warrior. Warrior knocks their noggins, clotheslines Quake, and throws Bravo to the outside. Quake attacks Warrior, and drops a big elbow. He drops another and drags Warrior to the corner. Quake goes to the middle buckle, but Hulk comes out and stands between the two men. A punche drops Quake to the floor, but Warrior yells at Hogan. The ref gets betwen them, but they take turns pushing him, and then another ref, out of the way.

Vince himself is in the locker room, and show the Rumble footage for the umpteenth time, and then the fracas from the last SNME. Hulk says he felt Hulkamania at its peak at the Rumble, but the Warrior was the strongest force to ever attack Hulkamania. He says the clothesline was an accident. He says he wants the Warrior at his best at WMVI, so that's why he came out to help Warrior.

Gene is with Warrior, apparently at the official UW gift shop. What happened tonight was written long ago, Warrior says. He saw walls filled with fear when he looked in Hogan's eyes. I need not your protection, he says to Hogan. He says that he's the chosen one.

Gene talks to Buster. He had a "blast" (as he throws a punch). Buster and Hogan are going out "drinking," Hulk the buttermilk, Buster whole milk.  We see a highlight package before fading to black.

One the one hand, this show feels like a kind of a wasted opportunity because of the way the Tyson situation went down. However that perhaps let them focus even more on Hogan-Warrior, which should be the end goal. This episode of The Main Event is certainly a step down from the first one, and probably even the second.

Saturday Night's Main Event #25- Tyson! Tyson!! Tyson!!!

Instead of the usual promo-a-rama, Vince McMahon voices a package on the Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan tag-teaming for the very first time. 

Vince makes a timely-ish reference to Guns N' Roses while introducing Jesse. That had to be from Dick Ebersole or someone else. 

"Mean" Gene Okerlund talks to "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. We flash back to "Macho Man" Randy Savage beating Duggan to become King of the WWF. Duggan wants revenge for the people.

"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. "Macho King" Randy Savage- Gene talks to Savage and Queen Sherri. He says Duggan and the people are peasants. You've gotta love seeing the king's throne carried out by jobbers.  Duggan sneaks over and tips Savage out of his throne. Back in, Duggan rams his face to the buckle. He misses a charge and hits his head on the top buckle, but it of course has no effect on Duggan. Savage kicks Duggan off of the ropes, and finally a clothesline drops him. He chokes Duggan on the mat, and leaps over the top to elbow him in the throat. Duggan reverses an Irish whip for a clothesline, then hits another for two. Duggan gets an atomic drop, but gets distracted by Sherri. Savage then knocks him ot the floor with an axehandle, then drops one from the top rope to the floor. Savage goes up and hits an axehandle for two. Savage snaps his throat on the top, and leaps back in for two. Savage tries the Boss Man butt splash but misses. Duggan then misses an elbowdrop. Duggan backdrops Savage to the floor, but foolishly breks the count. Sherri then jumps up to the apron to break it again. On the floor, Duggan goes to clothesline Sherri but hits  Savage. Commercial break, and Duggan slams Savage back in. He drops a knee but Sherri distracts the ref and it only gets two. Duggan punches him and Sherri puts Savage's foot on the bottom rope. Duggan clotheslines Savage twice, and punches him to the floor. Sherri rakes Duggan's back on the floor. He chases her, and catches her in the ring. Her skirt gets hiked up and Vince says "goodness." Savage hits an axehandle while Duggan socks him in the gut. Sherri distracts the ref, tosses Savage her purse, and Savage socks Duggan with it. This time, though, it only gets two. Duggan gets a small package for a near fall. Duggan rams Savage's head to the buckle, and atomic drops him. Duggan hits two clotheslines, and sets up for the big one. The three-point stance sends Savage to the floor. When Duggan goes to suplex him back in, Sherri trips Duggan and Savage retains the crown. **1/2. That was one of the better Duggan matches I've seen.

Jesse knows there's a problem with Hogan and the Warrior. Conversely, he is with Brains and Brawn (Perfect and Genius). Genius says Hogan has a partner even stupider than he is, so he's going to lose again.

Mr. Perfect/The Genius vs. Hulk Hogan/The Ultimate Warrior- We see a clip of Hogan and Warrior's battle during the 1990 Royal Rumble. Hulk tells Gene they almost tore the building down when they fought. Now they are teamed as one, however. Perfect and Hulk start out, and Hogan shoves him to the corner. Perfect then climbs out to the apron. Back in, Hulk hiptosses, then slams Perfect and Genius in succession. The heels regroup outside, and Hogan tags Warrior. Helwig runs outside knocks their noggins, and rams them to the apron. Back in, he shoulderblocks Genius, and flips Perfect over the top rope. He then whips the heels into each other, and clotheslines Perfect over the top rope. Warrior then tags Hogan. He and Hennig lock up, and Hennig fires away in the corner. Hulk reverses a whip and hits a back elbow in the corner, sending Perfect to the floor. Hogan then whips Hennig into the post. Genius grabs his scroll to draft a strategy, as Hogan rams Perfect's head into the top buckle. Hogan hits a clothesline, and rams his head again. Perfect is overselling everything, so I hope there's going to be a heat segment at some point here. Hogan body slams perfect and drops elbows. He then mounts Hennig for punches. Hogan big-boots Hennig to the floor, and the Genius gives him the scroll. Hennig then whallops Hogan with it. What a strategy! Hennig then tries a chairshot, but hits the post. Back in, he kicks and boot-rakes Hogan, but Hulk gets a small package. Hennig chops away, and hits a forearm. Hennig does his neck-snap thing, and tags Genius. Poffo neck-snaps him off of the top rope, and holds Hulk for a Hennig axehandle. He forearms Hogan from a camel clutch position. Perfect measures Hogan with shots, and Now We're Going to See the Perfect Plex. Hennig actually stops the count, and tags in the Genius. Poffo goes for a moonsault but hits knees, and then Hennig leaps off of the top into a boot. Hogan then tags Warrior, who runs wild on the Genius. Perfect comes in and takes a punch and kneelift. Warrior clotheslines Poffo, then gives him the gorilla press/splash combo. Hogan blind tagged Warrior, and finished Poffo with the legdrop. ** Perfect then knocks Hogan to the floor, and Warrior fights with the two heels. He hits a clothesline on Perfect, then clotheslines Hogan, clearly on accident. Hogan reacts as well to this as you would expect. The two bulls butt heads in a visual that was used in the lead-up to their Wrestlemania VI match. 

We see Jake "The Snake" Roberts taking custody of Ted Dibiase's Million Dollar belt. Jake is coy when Gene asks where the belt currently is. 

Jimmy Hart tells Jesse they can't worry about what's in the bag. 

Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Greg "The Hammer" Valentine- Jake empties the bag, and the belt indeed is in it with Damian. Hammer armdrags Jake twice. Jake takes him down and goes for the DDT, but Hammer slips out. Hart grabs Jake's ankle, and Hammer takes advantage. Valentine whips Jake into the buckles on both sides. Valentine drops the hammer for two. He punches away, and an elbow gets two. Valentine drops a knee to Jake's back, and gets another two. Jake punches his way to his feet, and rams Greg into the buckles. He punches the Hammer down. A short-arm clothesline sets up the DDT, but Hammer backdrops out of it. Valentine misses an elbowdrop, but Jake misses a kneelift and hits the buckles. Hammer goes for the leglock, gets kicked into Jimmy, and Jake hits the DDT. Dibiase and Virgil come in and work Jake over, though. Virgil grabs the bag, but Jake punches them both down. He chases them away with Damian. I think it was a DQ, and **.

Jesse talks to Heenan and "Ravishing" Rick Rude. Heenan says I thought you were going to say "accompanied by a piano" when Jesse said Dusty Rhodes will be accompanied by Sapphire.

Dusty Rhodes vs. "Ravishing" Rick Rude- No idea why they can't use Rude's real theme on the Network. Gene talks to Dusty and Sapphire. Rude said he could have her at the snap of his fingers. I think she said he's nothing compared to my Dusty; I listened twice but I'm not sure. The disrespect of women has got to be through, basically. Rude pounds away on Dusty to start. Rude whips Dusty but he reverses and sends Rude back-first to the buckle. He drops an elbow and tosses Rude to the floor, and rams Rude's back into the apron. Back in, Rude tries a slam but further hurts his back. Dusty bionic elbows Rude, and mocks Rude's wobbly-legged selling. Another elbow drops the Ravishing one. Rude begs off and Dusty shoulderblocks him in the corner. Dusty necksnaps Rude, but misses a big elbow. Rude necksnaps Dusty himself, and grabs a headlock. Heenan goes over and tells Sapphire to shut up, while Dusty backdrops Rude. Dusty goes out to protect her, but Rude attacks him. The ref comes out and ejects Heenan and Sapphire, as we head to a break. We return with Rude kneeing Dusty to the back, knocking him out of the ring. He posts the Dream. Rude can't gyrate, though. Rude works on Dusty's elbow. Sapphire then takes a seat at ringside. Dusty headbutts him, but Rude rakes his face. Jesse mentions the Main Event show with Mike Tyson Feb. 23. Rude and Dusty knock heads and hit the mat. Rude gets hit in the belly, and Dusty knees his hamstring before attempting a figure four. Rude gets out and snaps his neck. Rhodes Hulks Up as Jesse yells to Rude "hit him in the gut!" Rude boots Dusty on a backdrop attempt. Sapphire gyrates at Rude, so he goes outside. Dusty follows him and they brawl down the aisle. Double countout. *3/4. Dusty and Sapphire dance back in the ring. 

Gene talks to Earthquake, Jimmy Hart and Dino Bravo.  Everyone but Hart in the next match are Canadians.

Dino Bravo vs. Ronnie Garvin- Dino knees him in the gut and pounds away. Dino misses a clothesline and gets chopped. Garvin grabs a headlock, but gets tossed to the floor. Quake rams him into the apron and tosses him back in. Bravo slams Garvin and drops an elbow for two. Dino suplexes him for two. Bravo kicks his head and punches Garvin down. Bravo grabs the rope to block a rollup, and misses elbow drops on Garvin. Ronnie punches and chops Bravo, and gets a baaaack bodydrop. Garvin flips Hart in and tosses him to Quake. Garvin Stomp commences, and Ronnie stomps Quake's hand. Dion rams him to the top buckle and tosses him out. Ronnie hits the top for a flying bodypress, but Dino rolls through from the win. *1/2. Garvin attacks Dino after the bell, Dino slams him and Quake butt splashes him. Quake hits an aftershock. Garvin gets stretchered out. 

Jeese interviews Randy Savage about the Main Event match with Hogan; Mike Tyson as the referee. There'll be no excuse when Macho beats Hulk Hogan. God, it's fascinating to think about what this would've been like had it actually gone down. Chances are that Buster Douglas was just slotted right into Tyson's spot, but Hogan and Tyson in the ring together in 1990 would have been the Sportscenter moment Vince always wanted.

Gene talks to Hogan. Hogan said he was the lone survivor in his SurSer match; stood tall after No Hold Barred: The Match (no mention of Beefcake); won the Royal Rumble, but people were always like, when are you gonna beat the Macho King? Is this like a John Cena, "Until you beat me with Mike Tyson as the referee, you haven't done nothin', jack!" thing?

Vince and Jesse chat some more about Tyson. They seriously spent the last seven minutes of TV time hyping The Main Event and Tyson. Oh, what could have been...

Saturday Night's Main Event #24- Nanananananana Batman!

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan tells the Ultimate Warrior this is no fairy tale. "I will take the belt," Andre the Giant says. Dusty Rhodes is going to teach the Big Boss Man that justice is a lady, and is blind. Slick calls Dusty a common thief; he stole from the finest American crime fighter since "nananananana Batman!" Hulk Hogan says we'll see how smart the Genius is, when he tries to solve the problem Einstein, Play-to (his pronunciation)  and Socrates (Johnson?) couldn't- whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?

Jesse "The Body" Ventura's mustache looks fake.

We take a look at footage of the Ultimate Warrior carrying his beaten opponent to the back, being stopped by Heenan, and Andre attacking him and choking him.

Jesse tells Heenan and Andre that the Giant has a psycological advantage after the attack. Andre said something unintelligible while making a choking gesture.

WWF Intercontiental championship, Andre the Giant vs. The Ultimate Warrior (c)- I'm guessing this will be Andre's last appearance on SNME. Warrior tells "Mean" Gene Okerlund that he only feasts on the fruit of victory. Yep. Andre rubs his hands together waiting to get his hands on the Warrior. Helwig goes to the middle buckle and bounces and Andre attacks. He chokes Warrior against the top rope, and headbutts him. Heenan walks away (which Jesse says is because he's confidant in Andre), and Warrior goes back in. He chokes Andre with his strap, then chokes him bouncing off the ropes. Warrior went for a clothesline, but Andre evades him and Helwig hits the floor. Andre punches Warrior in the midsection, then stretches his arms behind his back. Warrior gets out by using his butt, and clotheslines Andre to the floor. Andre grabs the ref's ankle trying to get back in. When Warrior comes over Andre punches him in the throat. Andre chokes him with the bottom rope, and chops his neck. Warrior then locks in a bearhug. Andre headbutts his way out. Warrior charges him in the corner, and Andre locks on his own bearhug. Warriors clubs away with forearms. Andre headbutts him in the gut, but Warrior then slugs Andre in the tummy. Warrior unloads with chops, and Andre headbutts him. Andre misses a roundhouse right, and a clothesline knocks Andre into the ropes. Warrior then runs right into Andre's outstretched foot. Heenan grabs the belt, goes in the ring and tries to whip Warrior with it. He misses and Warrior gets ahold of it. Warrior forearms Heenan and throws him onto Andre. The ref then calls for the bed. Andre and Warrior fought over the belt outside. *3/4. Sue me, I enjoyed the match for what it was. It doesn't always have to be flippy-dos and Superkick Parties.

Jesse talks to the Genius, who is apparently over 10 feet tall between the ears.

WWF championship, Hulk Hogan vs. The Genius- Gene ask Hogan how he's going to deal with the Genius' IQ and acrobatics. Hogan said mathematically he can't win- take the Three Demandments, 24 -inch pythons, multiply by the Hulkamaniacs. Sounds like some Steiner math! Genius offers a handshake, and Hogan offer his left hand. Genius stretches in preparation, and floats liek a butterfly. they lock up, and Hogan shoves him to the floor.  Hulk points at his head, which in wrestling always means you're actually stupid. Hogan shoves Genius to the mat, but he kips up. Hulk hiptosses the Genius, and gives him a big bodyslam. Hulk tries the big boot, but Genius slides outside, then writes an equation on his scroll. Jesse calls it computerized wrestling, but Alexandra York didn't come along until a year later. Genius gets an arm drag, and skips around and celebrates. Genius backs Hogan into the corner, then slaps him. That's a good equation there. Genius cartwheels while Hogan waits in the corner. Hulk then gets mad and clotheslines him twice, rams him to the buckles, and hits a back elbow. Hulk then prances around like he's inferring something about Genius' preferences. Be a man, Hulk (sorry, wrong Poffo). Hulk atomic drops him, then mocks the Genius' selling. He hits a back suplex, and drops elbows on the Genius. Hogan then rakes his eyes with his boot. Hulk punches Genius in the corner, as Mr. Perfect comes out and grabs the championship belt. Hennig squishes his gum onto the belt's front plate. Hogan comes out and menaces Perfect, and Genius dropkicks Hulk into the post. He then whips Hogan into the post and rolls in. Genius kicks Hogan when he tries to roll in, until Hulk break the count. Genius goes for a moonsault, and that gets two. Hulk launches him off as he Hulks Up, though. He hits the big boot, but picks Genius up. Poffo rakes his eyes and back, and Hogan responds in kind. Hulk launches Poffo to the floor, and Perfect tends to him. Hogan goes out and pulls Perfect away, and throws Poffo back in. Perfect hits Hogan in the head with the belt while the Genius distracts the ref, and Poffo wins by countout. ** I guess we know now who is smarter. Hulk pushes Earl Hebner down and runs after them.

We see Dusty saving a jobber from the Big Boss Man beating on him after the bell, and obtaining Boss Man's night stick. Slick tells Gene Dusty is a three-time offender and loser. Boss Man law is "feel the pain, the whole pain, and nothing but the pain." Gene says they are the definition of cruel and unusual punishment: the Boss Man is cruel, and Slick is unusual.

Big Boss Man vs. Dusty Rhodes- This show is pretty blowoff-y, especially coming two days after the Survivor Series. Gene welcomes Dusty to SNME. He's going to show the people that justice does prevail. Dusty says the Slickster has been aiding and abedding, so he's going to pay, too. Jesse sings "he's just a common thief" to Dusty's theme. Slick is having problems with a fan at ringside, so Dusty wants him thrown out. Slick breaks out a manager's license (!), but Dusty throws it to ringside. Boss Man attacks but Dusty punches and Bionic Elbows him. Dusty goes after Slick, so Boss Man blindsides him again. Slick then chokes him and they head outside. The fan is arguing with Slick and Boss Man. I'm sure nothing will come of that, though. Slick goes to kick Dusty, but Dusty starts charging him. Boss Man then cheapshots him. Dusty gets posted and rolled back in. They engage in fisticuffs, and Boss Man works the arm. Dusty runs into a kneelift. He grabs a twisting armbar while Dusty lays on the mat, which is his fave. Slick's ready to sing his song ("Turn out the lights; the party's over") . Boss Man hits a back elbow, but Dusty elbows him in the gut. Boss Man rakes the eyes, whips Dusty to the corner but misses a splash. Dusty hammers away and Flip, Flops and Flies. Dusty looks for Slick and then misses an elbowdrop. Boss Man does his butt splash on the rope thing, and Slick fetches the night stick. He argues with the woman outside, though, and Dusty gets a distraction rollup. *3/4. Dusty then comes over and gets his own billy club. Boss Man yells at Slick outside, then at the woman. Dusty motions for the woman to get in the ring to dance. I thought this would be where she gets named and formally introduced, but the lady would obviously become Sweet Sapphire.

Gene talks to the Red Rooster, who is full of chicken-related puns. And so is Gene.

Red Rooster vs. Mr. Perfect- I saw these two square off at Wrestlefest '88, before they had their gimmicks. Jesse talks to Perfect, and asks him what he was trying to accomplish by stealing Hogan's belt. Hennig tells him you journalists are impatient. He's going to show he's the No. 1 contender. Perfect starts with a slap, and then shoves the Rooster. Taylor hits a kneelift and armdrag takedown, though. Hennig gets a drop toehold, but Rooster grabs a hammerlock and chicken wing. Perfect reaches the rope, and hits a back suplex. He gets a neck snap, but Taylor gets two from a sunset flip. Perfect twists Taylor's neck between his legs, and bad mouths him in the corner. Taylor gets a headbutt and right hand, but Hennig pounds away. Taylor boots a charging perfect, and hits a bulldog. Taylor smashes his head to the mat, and gets a baaaack bodydrop for two. Hennig punches out of a hiptoss attempt, and Now we're going to see the Perfectplex. **1/2. That was a brisk five-minute match, like Goldberg-Brock.

Gene talks to the Rockers. The dissention between the Busters isn't discussed there, but McMahon mentions how Heenan donned the tights at Survivor Series.
Gene then talks to the Busters, who are bickering with Heenan. Heenan says they don't have the tag titles, and Tully says to him we were great a couple of weeks ago when we did. Heenan tells them if they listened to him they'd still have the belts.

Best 2 out of 3 falls, Brain Busters vs. Rockers- The Busters are still having dissension, which on TV started at the Survivor Series days before this (though this match was taped prior). Tully and Marty start. Jannetty gets a headlock, and turns a hiptoss into a slam. Dropkick and armdrag into an ARM-BAR. Tully pulls him down twice by the hair, but Jannety kips, and hits a back elbow. Back to the ARM-BAR. Jannetty cuts off a tag, and Tully misses two elbow drops. Outside Jannetty fights off both Busters. Jannetty tries a sunset flip on Tully back in, but Arn grabs his partner's hands. Shawn Michaels then jumps onto Tully to break that up, and the Rockers take the first fall. Heenan lectures his men, and shoves Blanchard. Heenan bails outside, and the Rockers try a double-pin. Would Blanchard and Jannetty still have been the legal men?

The bell rings for the second round. The Rockers double leapfrog and then savate kick the Busters, who go to teh floor. Heenan heads back to the locker room, and says he's finished with them. Arn and Shawn slug it out. Shawn moonsaults over Arn, armdrags him, flying hurricanranas (for lack of a better term) Tully, and the Rockers whip Arn and double-dropkick both Busters. The Rockers double-hiptoss and elbowdrop Arn, and cheapshot Tully. Heenan is still peaking through the curtain. Arn lowblows Arn and He tags Tully. Marty flips over him punches him in the gut, and Shawn hits a kneelift for two. Arn hotshots Michaels when he tries a flying headscissors on Tully, and the Busters take the second fall.

Jesse catches up with Heenan. Heenan says they're the worst tag team he's ever been associated with. Someday they'll call him from a Skid Row soup kitchen with a dime they bummed from somebody asking him to take them back. "You're fired, you're through."

Third fall begins with Shawn sucking wind, and Tully hammers away on him. He gets whipped into Arn's knee. Arn hits a spinebuster with gusto, but Jannettty breaks up the pin. Arn gets two off of a test of strength, and slingshots Shawn into a Blanchard punch. Tully goes up and hits a forearm, and pops Jannetty before throwing Shawn over the top rope. Arn grabs him but the ref stops him from interfering. Tully tries to ram Shawn to the buckle, but Shawn reverses and hits a bodypress for two. Tully grabs Shawn's ankle to cut off a tag, and Arn comes in and grabs a front facelock. Jannetty punches Arn but he and Shawn knock noggins. Shawn goes under his legs for the tag, and he fires on both Busters. He slams both Horsemen, dropkicks Arn, and Shawn pulls Tully outside. Shawn gets posted, and Arn tries for a piledriver, possibly a spike one. Shawn hits a flying bodypress for the fall and the win. ***1/4.

Gene is back with Perfect and the Genius. Hennig is smashing the WWF championship belt with a hammer. "This has never been a perfect belt, and Hulk Hogan, you are not a perfect champion." He says he'll follow Hogan around to every arena and destroy every belt until he gets a title shot. Genius claims they're exercising their First Amendment rights, but I don't think that applies here. I've heard claims that this isn't the belt that became the Hardcore championship belt years later, but I think that's kooky talk.

Back to Gene, craddling the belt like a dead puppy. Hulk comes in and says it's eating him alive that the Genius got his hand raised. Mr. Perfect cut him to the bone, and is burning his soul alive! You can't ruin Hulkamania by destroying a material belt that symbolizes everything they believe in!

Saturday Night's Main Event #23- Let's get pouty!

I'm back, and better than ever about the same.

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper starts promo-a-rama by hissing. Who does he think he is, Stardust? When he gets through with Haku, "Boobsy Heenan" will be crying like Zsa-Zsa Gabor in court. Was that at least timely in Oct. 1989? "Macho King" Randy Savage and Sensational Queen Sherri go "ohhhh yeah!" a lot. The Bushwhackers are gonna give the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers a lickin'. "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase has the million-dollar insurance policy- Zeus. Hulk Hogan says he and the Hulkamaniacs are going to stamp all of their checks "insufficient funds." Oh snap.

From Ohio. Vince McMahon takes us back to the coronation of the Macho King.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura asks Savage why risk your crown against Snuka? Savage is on a quest to prove he's worthy of being the greatest king in WWF history. Macho grants Jesse permission to kiss Queen Sherri's hand. Savage also sires Jesse with his scepter.

"Macho King" Randy Savage vs. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka- Snuka says there's no king over the Superfly Jimmy Snuka. "I am a free man." He can likely thank Vincent K. McMahon for that one.  Savage attacks him and hits a kneelift. Sunka chops him down but argues with Sherri. He back-kicks Savage when he tries a sneak attack, and hits a flying headbutt. Atomic drop sends Savage to the floor.  Snuka goes out and chops Savage, and rolls him back in. Sherri grabs his ankle, and Savage hits an axehandle. Savage bodyslams Snuka, and drops a knee for two. Savage tosses Snuka out, and drops an axehandle from the top. Sherri then kicks Snuka on the floor. Savage drops an elbow to Snuka's throat on the apron, then Sherri chokes him. Savage then boot chokes Snuka. Back in, Savage gets a two count. He rams a knee into Snuka's back, but Snuka is getting his special. He chops Savage down, and headbutts him. He chops Savage in the corner, whips him to the other and clotheslines him. Snuka headbutts Savage, whips him to the corner and hangs him in the tree of woe. Snuka tosses Joey Marella aside, and chokes Savage in the corner. As Sherri unhooked Savage she gave him her pocketbook. Snuka grabs Sherri by her hair, but waylays Snuka with the pocketbook. Savage pulls the tights to take the win. ** Savage bodyslams Snuka, then misses the elbowdrop. Snuka slams Savage, and goes up for the superfly splash. Sherri stands in his way, so when he jumps Savage is up. Snuka headbutts him to the floor, and chases Sherri out of the ring. 

SNME is brought to you by Burger King! If you want to give people what they want, sometimes you've gotta break the rules!

Let's go back to the May SNME, to see Zeus attack Hogan as he tried to enter the steel cage. After that, Hogan saved Brutus Beefcake from a Zeus bearhug with a chairshot. 

Jesse talks to Ted Dibiase with Zeus. Dibiase buys only the best, including Zeus. Finally, the WWF championship will be his. What will he do with the Million Dollar belt, then? Jesse closes by saying it'll be the biggest beating since Donald Trump whupped Merv Griffin in Atlantic City. What the hell does that mean?

WWF championship, Ted Dibiase vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Mean Gene and Hulk go over the same events we just saw, plus discuss Summerslam. "Hulkamania is wrestling, Hulkamania is the WWF. To become the majority stockholder, you've got to beat the Hulkster." Maybe that's HHH's path to taking over for Vince? Certainly Hulk can't be that tough of an out at this point. His shirt ripping looked very familiar, so I'm guessing the clip was used a lot, or on something I watched repeatedly. They lock up, and Zeus grabs Hulk's ankle in the corner. Dibiase spins Hulk around, but Hulk drops him with punches. Hebner admonishes Zeus while Hulk grabs a headlock. Hogan shoulderblocks him down twice, and Zeus trips Hulk and chokes him on the middle rope. Dibiase misses a clothesline and Hulk punches away, and hits a back elbow in the corner. He punches Dibiase on the mat, and Zeus grabs Hulk again. Dibiase clotheslines him and Zeus blatantly chokes Hogan while Dibiase distracts Hebner. Jake the Snake Roberts then appears for some reason. I guess he was feuding with Dibiase, and was Hogan's Survivor Series team. Hulk gets two off of a distraction rollup. Dibiase misses some elbows, and Hogan punches away. Jake warns Zeus on the outside. Dibiase clotheslines Hulk to the floor, as Jake chases Virgil to the back. After a break Dibiase is working Hogan over. He gets a clothesline for two. Dibiase drops elbows to Hulk's head, and gets two off of a suplex. He hits an axehandle off of the middle rope, and gets two again. He locks a chinlock and appears to be discussing something with Hulk. Half-assed Hulk Up, and he hits a shoulder block before they hit a double clothesline. Zeus hits Hogan in the back when he hits the ropes, and Dibiase drops fists. Ted goes to the top, and drops a knee. That gets two, and we get a full-on Hulk Up now. Big boot, but Zeus sneaks up and grabs his arms. Dibiase accidentally hits Zeus with a clothesline when Hogan moves, and Hulk gets a rollup for the three. **1/2. Hulk and Zeus prepare to square off, but Dibiase hits Hogan from behind. Zeus then executes his deadly head-twisting finisher, and Dibiase locks on the million dollar dream. That seems kind of redundant after the head twister. Jake runs back out with Damian to clear out the heels. 

We see footage of "Ravishing" Rick Rude attacking Roddy Piper on the Brother Love Show. Then Jesse talks to Heenan and Haku. Heenan says they're there to have fun. 

Mean Gene welcomes Piper back to SNME. He says you'll have to deal with the Heenan Family, and Piper says there was an Addam's Family. He says he's wrestling Sneezy ("Haku," Gene says. "God bless you," Roddy says). Piper also calls his opponent Liver Lips. "I make Hurricane Hugo look like a summer breeze," Piper also says. 

Haku vs. Roddy Piper- Once again, Haku is doing "Ravishing" Rick Rude's dirty work. Haku attacks Piper while he stands on the apron. They slug it out, and Piper clotheslines him over the top to the floor. Piper hits a sort of Thesz press off the paron onto Haku, then gets lectured by referee Danny Davis (when did he get reinstated?). Piper then chases Heenan into the ring, and Piper catches him on the floor. While he holds Heenan's legs, Haku clotheslines him. Back in, Haku hits Piper with strikes and a back elbow. A shoulderbreaker gets two. He drops a leg, then heads to the top rope. The pool is dry for his headbutt, however,  and Piper starts ramming his head to the mat. Piper lifts Haku up and drops him on his chest. A belly-to-belly suplex gets the win for the Rowdy One. ** That was a breezy little match.  Piper signifies that that is No. 1 for the Heenan Family, with four more to go. Heenan yells at Davis for a slow count for Haku's pin attempt. 

Gene talks to Dibiase and Zeus. Dibiase is sick and tired of hearing and seeing Jake Roberts. It's his fault Dibiase isn't champion right now. Zeus says Hogan won't have anything to be thankful for at Survivor Series.

Gene talks to Rick "The Model" Martel and Slick. 

Rick Martel vs. Tito Santana- Martel came out to "Jive Soul Bro." I don't ever remember that happening before. Martel's Survivor Series teammates the Big Boss Man, Akeem, and the Honky Tonk Man (with Jimmy Hart) follow him out. The Red Rooster, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Dusty Rhodes come to even the odds. Martel jumps Santana to begin. Santana grabs his leg and gives him a big atomic drop. Tito then clotheslines him through the ropes, to the floor. Tito follows him out, and slugs away. After rolling in to break the count, Tito continues his assault, and throws the Model in. Martel goes low and forearms Santana. Tito gets a sunset flip on a backdrop attempt, and gets an armdrag. Tito rakes the eyes, and gets a wristlock. He hits a flying bodypress for two. Tito gets whipped into the top buckle, and Martel stomps away. I was sure the Boss Man was about to interfere there. Martel ties Tito in the tree of Woe, but Tito gets out and kicks Martel on another backdrop attempt. They slug it out again, and Tito gets a baaaack bodydrop. He hits the flying forearm, but Slick jumps on the apron. Tito lunges for him, then Boss Man gets up. Dusty gets up, and it's anarchy. This of course leads to a commercial break. After the break things are settled down. Martel beats down Santana, who gets a hiptoss but misses a clothesline. Martel poses inside as Tito's team fires him up. Martel drops elbows and knees Tito in the back. Martel necksnaps him, and works a chinlock. Tito Arribas Up, and they stalemate on a backslide attempt. Tito finally gets it, and gets a near fall. They brawl on the mat, and Martel gets a Boston Crab. Tito climbs up the ropes, and somehow gets on top of Martel for two. I watched it twice, and I'm still not sure what happened there. Martel gets a backbreaker, and goes up. Tito shakes the top rope, and crotches Martel. After he flips to the mat Tito rams his head to the buckle, and to the other corner. He hits a forearm/punch and goes for the figure four. Slick jumps on the apron, though, so Tito cheapshots him. Boss Man ends up in punching Tito, so Dusty saves. Then it turns into a Pier Six brawl with the Survivor Series teams, for I believe a double-DQ. *** The good guys clear the ring. 

Gene catches up with Piper after his match. Gene asks if there is a pecking order of Heenan Family members. He says Rude and Heenan call 976 numbers and talk to each other. He says you've got to have people like the Heenan Family, "cause buzzards need to eat too."

Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. The Bushwhackers- I hate the Rougeaus, the Quebecers, and Jacques Rougeau in all forms. Just needed to point that out again. And fuck Jimmy Hart's megaphone and its stupid sounds. The Whackers attack to begin, with Hart pinned behind Raymond in the corner. Luke clotheslines Jacques and he ends up outside. The Whackers take Hart's jacket, corner him and yank his pants off. Jimmy runs away, the Rougeaus attack the Whackers. Raymond puts Butch in a crab and Jacques double kneedrops him. Jacques hits a flying back elbow. Raymond holds Butch but  Jacques accidentally flying knees his brother. Butch tags Luke, who punches away. Jacques flips over him but gets clotheslined. Raymond accidentally dropkicks his brother, and the Whackers battering ram and stomach buster Jacques for the win. * They beat the Rougeaus at Mania V too, Jesse.

Gene talks to Hulk, who is holding his throat.