"Mean" Gene warns we may be on the brink of an international crisis. Nikolai Volkoff says he's going to win the belt, and take it back to Russia. He's also wearing a swank jacket.
Hulk (without Gene) says Volkoff is no threat to him or America. He's hot about Volkoff going around, waving his flag.
Gene talks to Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer about Elmer's upcoming wedding. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper comes in and rambles.
WWF title match, Nikolai Volkoff vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Nikolai gets the treatment that Rusev does today when he tries to sing his national anthem. Hogan then spouts some patriotic BS that also could come into play today. Volkoff attacks from behind, and rams Hulk to the buckles. Hogan in white gear does take some mental readjustments to get used to. Hogan clotheslines him twice, and drops an elbow. Headbutt, and a punch drops the Russian. Volkoff takes a big boot to the chest and falls out. First he sends Nikolai to the post, but then Volkoff reverses a similiar attempt. Volkoff drops an axehandle to Hulk's back. Volkoff presses Hulk into a backbreaker, which was actually impressive. That gets two. Hogan gets whipped into the corner. Hogan gets a backdrop, but Volkoff takes over. Bodyslam gets two, then we get the Hulk Up. Volkoff misses a charge, Hogan legdrops him for the 1-2-3. Hulk then spits on the Russian flag and cleans his boot with it. No wonder the rest of the world hates us. Then Hulky gets to wave the flag around.
Gene with Hulk. He's gonna show that "wrestlers are nice people too" at the wedding later.
They show us the bride. I hope Elmer isn't watching. We then go to the three hillbillies. That Cousin Junior sure looks the part. But where is Big Bart?!
Uncle Elmer vs. Jerry Valiant- Is this the guy Vince Jr. always emulated and wanted to be? Valiant charges, Elmer slams/falls on him, and that's all she wrote. That easily beats Bundy-S.D. Jones. And in fact they go to a clip of that match. Elmer's was six seconds.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is shown in the crowd. This is 14 years before he socked Triple H and got a WWF title belt, and 32 before he was on Celebrity Apprentice and became an unlikely voice of reason.
Jesse hosts The Body Shop with guest Bobby Heenan. He says Paul Orndorff fired him. I'm kind of confused by this- didn't Orndorff turn face against Piper on the last SNME? Now Bobby has a $15,000 bounty on Orndorff.
Paul Orndorff vs. Roddy Piper- Orndorff has his fists taped, so you know he's ready to go. The ref has to hold him back as Piper enters. We also see Heenan coming out with a briefcase, calling for Roddy. The two slug it out, and Piper gets a clothesline. He kicks Paul in the head, then rams his head into the mat. I have a feeling this will end in a schmoz soon. Piper hits a DDT and stomps his head. They spill outside, and they ram each other into a table. Paul axehandles him inside, and hits a suplex. Piper gets an eyepoke, then a kneelift. They collide and fall to the mat. Piper dives onto knees, and they both flip to the floor. Piper misses a chairshot, and they brawl to the back. Piper slips into his dressing room, and won't let Orndorff in.
Weddin'. Mean Gene tickles the ivories, and Jesse famously says he looks like the Phantom of the Opera. I have no idea what events led up to this. Andre is there complete with trunks and Giant gut. Judge George Sorvino doing the honors. "I, Uncle Elmer..." Elmer was gone from the WWF like a year later, too. Maybe NBC wanted Vince to do a wedding on an SNME, and this was the best he could come up with. So of course Piper comes out during the objection portion. Hogan points at him and Piper leaves. "It looks like two carp in the river going after the same corn"- future Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura.
There are loose pigs at the reception backstage, because of course there are.
Gene with Bobby Heenan, Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy. I've been rewatching '93 and '94 Raws, and now I'm wondering something- did Bundy get an eye job or something before his return? They seem more pronounced and bulging upon his return.
Bundy/Studd vs. Andre/Tony Atlas- Andre chokes Bundy with his own singlet to start. Andre rams his butt into Bundy in the corner, and delivers chops. Andre used Atlas' head to headbutt Bundy because, well, you know. Bundy elbows Atlas but misses an elbowdrop. Studd in, and he shoulderblocks Atlas, who leapfrogs and headbutts him. Atlas almsot slams him, then misses a dropkick. Andre headbutts Studd from the apron, then Bundy splashes Atlas. Big boot on Studd, but Bundy attacks his sternum. Studd rammed Atlas into the ringpost outside back-first. Bundy avalanches Andre, and Studd does the same as the ref calls for the bell. Andre and Atlas won by DQ. Andre knocks their noggins but the numbers game gets the best of him until Hogan runs in. Atlas then becomes the third wheel, the Hercules to Hogan and Andre's Mega Powers. I'll give it a * and move on.
Gene talks to Hogan, who says Andre and Atlas are the real winners.
We see Gene dressed for safari in a tiger-striped truck. Ah, they're at the Detroit Zoological Park, makes sense. He finds George Steele by a camel. We also see a clip of the classic Steele "how now brown cow" segment from TNT. They look at a bunch of animals, inclding a "Detroit" tiger, according to George. Gene would don the same gear for a safari segment on SNME five years later.
WWF tag team championship, Rene Goulet/Lanny Poffo vs. The Dream Team- Trivia time- did Jimmy Hart ever manage Brutus Beefcake back in his 80s heel days? I remembered Johnny V, but when I was watching '93 Raws I could've sworn Jimmy had managed Brutus before. Gene asks them about Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo, who Beefcake and Greg Valentine won the titles from. The U.S. Express is watching from ringside, though I think Windham was gone from the WWF soon after. Valentine grapples with Leapin' Lanny on the mat. Valentine slams him and tags Brutus. Lanny fights them both off, and dropkicks the Butcher. A slam sets up a moonsault (!) for two. Valentine breaks it up and Beefcake takes over. The Dreams double team and make quick tags. Brutus bodyslams Poffo, who then tags Garea. Hiptoss and dropicks by Garea, and a bodypress gets two. Brutus gets a backelbow and tags Valentine, who gets Garea in the figure four. Garea waves to submit, and Beefcakes dumps Poffo out. **1/2. The Dream Team keeps working over Garea. The champs have the familiar 80's belts now.
Wedding reception- Vince and Jesse are at Hulk and Orndorff's table. Hulk says "it was a beautiful wedding, Vicious Vince." Orndorff thought it was great. Gene shows Cousin Junior how to eat, and Poffo reads a poem. Hillbilly Jim then does a toast. Joyce and Elmer welcome Tiny Tim, who was a part of his own TV wedding. He gave them a ukulele. Jesse then reads a poem about missing wrestling and romance. He must not have liked the WAR promotion in the '90s, then. Hillbilly pushed Jesse into the cake after that.
Vince tells Hulk that Heenan accepted the challenge, and Hogan and Andre will face Bundy and Studd in four weeks on the next episode. So just chillllllllll....
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