Saturday Night's Main Event #4

Before we go back in tiiime, I'd like to encourage you to click on the Amazon link on the right for my ebook "Clash of the Champions: The Story of Sting" (revised edition). There is also a paperback edition, which has done surprisingly well in the UK. I also just finished my second edition of AWA TV reviews, which you can also find to the right.

From the Sun Dome in Tampa. If it's still around, I hope the hurricane doesn't hit it. Seriously, best wishes to everyone in Florida, Georgia, the Carolinas and Texas.

We see Hulk Hogan and "Mean" Gene Okerlund poolside. Hulk makes a Python Protein drink for Okerlund. Then we see "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura spying on the hillbillies poolside.

Vince McMahon runs down the card, and Ventura walks in to hype his match later.  Yes- Bobby "the Brain" Heenan is subbing for him! Upgrade.

Okerlund with Piper and Bob Orton, and eventually Jesse. Blah blah, and that match is first. The hillbillies also say nothing of note to Gene. 

Piper, Orton, Ventura vs. The Hillbillies- Heenan bemoans the hillbillies not wearing gear. Elmer starts with Ventura. This literally may be the only match I've seen Jesse wrestle. I should search on the Network, perhaps. Elmer chokes and drops Jesse. Jim headlocks Jesse, who knees him in the midsection and tags Piper. Now Luke comes in, and I'm not even sure this is the same guy from the previous SNMEs. Orton and Piper doubleteam Luke, and make quick tags. Jesse in, and steps on Lukes head. He then holds Luke for Piper to slap him. More quick tags, and then when Jim tags Luke the ref misses it. Luke finally tags Elmer, and he brawls with Piper. Bearhug, but Roddy pokes his eye. It turns into a pier-sixer, and the heels try to regroup outside. They run back in, and order is eventually restored. Damn. Now the heels triple team Jim. I'm seriously sick of watching these hicks, and I hope they're gone by the next SNME (though I know Jim won't be). Piper gets Luke in a sleeper, but he judo throws Roddy off. Orton uses his cast to wallop Luke, and Piper locks the sleeper back on to get the win. 1/2* Let's please be done with this now.

Ventura is already back in the booth, sadly. 

Gene is whereever in Florida, as it's time for a water slide competition. Jimmy Hart is competing with the Junkyard Dog. The heavier Dog wins. Thrilling. Jesse is somehow there, interviewing Funk. He wants to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated when he beat Hogan tonight. 

We see Funk attacking Hogan with the branding iron in Denver. Hogan says he humiliated me and all of Denver. JYD will be in his corner, and he says some stuff.

WWF championship, Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Terry Funk- It's funny now there's still no standard for the WWF "look" yet. The Denver clip had the ropes in the correct "red, white and blue" order, but SNME doesn't. The mat is kind of blue-gray too, instead of the lighter one we're all used to. And last but not least, Hogan is wearing blue gear instead of yellow, and Funk is in red trunks instead of his disco pants. JYD forces Hart onto a chair outside as we head to break. Hogan reverses a whip and clotheslines Funk, and does Happy Gilmore's bull dance in celebration. I like how they seemingly brought in all of the former NWA champions they could in this era to put Hogan over. I wonder if Dory (or "Hoss," I guess) ever got a shot, too. Hogan clotheslines him over the top. On a drop down Hogan keeps stepped on Funk's back, until Funk takes a comical spill onto the announce table. JYD throws in a chair for Hulk to sit on. I'm waiting for the heat portion that I think I remember to kick in here. Funk chops him but then hogan punches him. To the corner, and Funk does a Flair Flip. Hogan gets two off of a back suplex. Funk goes up but Hogan shakes the ropes to crotch him. Atomic drop on Funk, and Hogan headbutts him. Clothesline, elbow, but no legdrop. Jimmy Hart tries to trip Hogan, gets chased, so he goes under the ring. Funk then chokes Hogan with tape in the ring, and Hart comes back out. Funk piledrives Hogan in the ring, but kicks out at 2.99. Funk stomps on his face, but when he punches Hulk it's Hulk Up time. Back elbow, and the big boot knocks him to the apron. Hulk suplexes him in but gets branding iron-ed by Hart and Funk falls on top. Hogan gets his foot on the rope. Funk argues with the ref, JYD headbutts Hart, and Hogan clotheslines Funk for the win. **3/4. Funk then tries to attack the ref. I honestly remembered this being better.

Funk drags Hart back to the dressing room by the ankle. Hogan tells Okerlund he hasn't had enough. Is there a rematch on the next show?

We see the events leading up to George "The Animal" Steele vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage. George also frolics at the water park. Jesse asks Savage and Liz if they're planning strategy. Savage is teaching Liz how to swim, which consists of him throwing her into a pool while Jesse laughs.

WWF intercontiental championship, Randy Savage (c) vs. George Steele- Wait- I'm being told by my man Woodrow in the back I jumped the gun and that Savage is not actually the champion yet. Savage is arguing with fans as George literally paws at Liz. Savage is of course irate. Savage bails a couple of times. Then Steele tosses him to the floor. It's really a shame how much time Savage had to waste wrestling Steele in '86 and '87. Punchy-kicky, and Savage pulls Steele out. He runs and pulls Liz in front of him. Steele slams Savage, then rips off the buckle. He puts the padding in Savage's face, but gets distracted by Liz. Savage hits him with an axehandle for the win, then picks up Liz and walks off. 3/4*

Hulk and Gene introduce a 1985 in Review music video. The Network version has obviously changed music. This is actually a longer version of the famous Coliseum Video, um, video I spoke of last time. The song keeps saying "there's a riot in the streets," but I couldn't find it on YouTube. 

Gene talks to Blassie, Sheik and Volkoff. Sheik is there for "moral support," but Gene points out he doesn't have a manager's license. 

Jesse talks to Corporal Kirchner. He is such a scary looking dude. I basically only knew him from his LJN figure. He rides a zipline and drops into a pool.

Peace match: Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirchner- They shake hands to begin. They break clean against the ropes a couple of times. Um...is Dean Malenko refereeing?! 

Kirchner gets an armbar and a takeover for two. Now a top wristlock, and still a clean break. Nikolair rolls him up with a bridge for two. Corp rolls him up for one. Another small package gets two. Nikolai then headbutts him in the gut, drops him on the top rope, then kneedrops him in the face for the 1-2-3. *1/2. At least there was a little wrestling. Kirchner goes nuts on Sheik and Volkoff afterwards. 

We see video of Muraco surfing and getting mobbed by girls. JYD is basically Kane in these early SNMEs, in that he is everybody's special partner or backup, and the heels cower at him. And oh God, Fuji talks about boiled and fried dog. Someone arrest that man; he admitted it!

Steamboat tells Gene the only thing those guys haven't done to him is defeat him. 

Magnificent Muraco, Fuj the Stooge vs. Ricky Steamboat, JYD- Muraco dropkicks(!) Dog to begin. Fuji throws Steamer to the floor as Muraco works over JYD. Fuj slams Steamboat on the floor. JYD gets a baaaaack bodydrop on Muraco, but misses a headbutt. Fuj uses his karate but gets slammed. JYD armdrags and slams Muraco. A headbutt possibly breaks Rock's nose, but Fuj takes back over. Muraco in and he mises a charge, and Steamer gets tagged. Ricky chops both of the heels, and hits an enzuiguri. He slingshots Muraco into Fuj, then hits a flying bodypress. Fuj breaks up the pin. JYD tagged, and a headbutt gets the win. * Everyone continues to brawl. 

I'm really struggling getting through these early SNMEs. The wrestling is basically non-existent, save stuff like Hogan-Funk. I'm hoping things will pick up in '87 when we get to the shows I saw when they were new.