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Ted's Clash Review

Saturday, February 27, 2016

GWF PRESENTS: THE BEST OF THE USWA, VOL. 2




The Network has this dated 6/20/92 so we'll go with that.

We go straight into the action with this show.

Match #1: Jeff Jarrett & Naughty Natalie vs. J.C. Ice & Georgia Brown.

This is a mixed tag team match. I'm not sure who Naughty Natalie was. Georgia Brown is Jacqueline. Jeff gets on the mic and states that Natalie can't make it as she is under the weather, as it's flu season. Ice just thinks she's too chicken to face Georgia and also states that "Eye-rack is beating the US", which places this during Desert Storm. Jeff has a replacement however, and it's....Tessa? These early 90's women wrestlers have done crept out of my memory bank. Tessa charges the ring and she and Georgia roll around on the mat to kick us off. Jeff chases Ice around the ring for a few laps. Out of nowhere, Steven Dane gets in the ring and he and Jeff go at it. Then suddenly Gary Young is out, John Tatum is out, Billy Travis is out, Bill Dundee is out and this match is thrown out. DUD

WINNERS: No contest. Nothing to see here but some brawling women and a bunch of interference. Not a good start to this show.

Match #2: Bill Dundee (c) (w/ Tessa) vs. Awesome Kong (w/ Ice Baby) - USWA Texas Heavyweight Championship.

I'm already tired of J.C. Ice's skinny white trash persona. I really want to see him get his ass kicked. Of course, we already went over Awesome Kong in the last GWF review. He went on to form a team with King Kong called The Colossal Kongs and they were briefly in WCW in late 1993. Awesome Kong has since passed away about 3-4 years ago. I never got the appeal of Bill Dundee so I just chalk it up to rednecks. Lock up and Kong shoves Dundee to the mat. Lock up again and another shove to the mat. Dundee gets a right that has little effect and he bails to the floor. Back in the ring, Dundee evades Kong, frustrating him. A lot of stalling from Dundee here. Dundee comes off the top with a double axhandle to no effect. Dundee dodges a corner lunge from Kong, as Kong continues to vent in frustration. Forearm to the chest of Kong and all Kong does is yell and flex a lot. Dundee opts to chase Ice on the floor, then grabs the mic and threatens to tire Kong, revealing his strategy. I guess he's planning on boring him until he falls asleep. Kong slugs Dundee down and then hits a big body slam. With Kong's back turned, Dundee hits a knee to the back to no effect. Dundee grabs a sleeper on the big guy, who backs him into the corner to break and then kicks Dundee to the floor. Back in the ring, Kong rakes the eyes and then stomps away until Dundee rolls to the floor. Ice gets in a couple of licks to Dundee on the floor. Back in the ring, they lock up and Kong slugs and stomps away some more until Dundee rolls to the floor again. He's back in the ring and hits Kong with a flurry but Kong comes back with chops in the corner. A charge in the corner misses but everything Dundee does has little to no effect. Dundee comes off the ropes into a Kong clothesline, but Kong misses an elbow drop. Dundee goes to the floor and chases Ice for no good reason and runs into a Kong clothesline. Kong is distracted by Tessa, while Dundee grabs a chair and hits Kong in the back. That's a DQ. We're actually told that it's a double countout. DUD. The announcer tells us that Dundee's strategy actually worked. How's that for biased announcing? Dundee was protected from a DQ loss, as he clearly got himself disqualified with that chairshot. Totally ridiculous booking.

WINNER: No one. Double countout. This was a horrible match. I don't give negative stars because that's pretty pointless. Dundee couldn't do anything to the big slug, and Kong was as talentless as they come, God rest his soul. So we're 0 for 2 on this show so far.

Match #3: Eric Embry vs. Gary Young.

We're informed that the winner of this match gets a shot at the USWA Texas Heavyweight Championship. Lock up and to the ropes they go where they break clean. Lock up again and Embry takes Young down by the legs. Another lock up and Young wrenches the arms but meets a right hand from Embry. Another lock up, where they trade arm twists but Young receives another right from Embry. Young finally takes over with a couple of elbows, but Embry hits him with a punch and Young bails to the floor. Back in the ring, another lock up on the ropes but no break as Young lays in some elbows. A forearm wobbles Embry and Young slugs away on the neck putting Embry on the floor. They take a break and when they come back Young slams Embry's head on a table at ringside. Young takes Embry under the lousy string that separates the crowd from ringside and they leave the view of the camera. They come back to ringside and Embry slams Young's head into the table this time. They're in the ring again, where Young comes off the middle rope with a forearm to the head to Embry down. Young follows up with a legdrop but Embry immediately kicks out of a pin attempt. Embry sends Young's head to the turnbuckle but Young no-sells and hits Embry with a forearm to the back. Young goes for the piledriver but Embry backdrops out of it then misses and elbow drop. Young misses an elbow drop of his own, then they slug away on each other. Young with a whip off the ropes, but Embry ducks under and they clothesline each other. They're to their feet where Embry kicks Young in the gut then hits him with a flurry of punches. Embry with a whip, but Young ducks a clothesline and comes back with a high knee. Young with the cover...1...2...kick out! Embry reverses a whip to the corner but runs into a boot. Young covers...1...2....kick out! Young rams Embry's head to the buckle then whips him to the opposite corner, but Young misses a charge! Embry rolls him up..1...2....3! **

WINNER: Eric Embry, as he earns a shot at the USWA Texas Heavyweight Championship. Kind of a slow build into an okay match. It never really took off, however. At least it resembled a wrestling match which is more than I can say for what came before this.

Match #4: Cody Michaels & Jerry Lynn vs. Tony Anthony & Doug Gilbert (w/ J.C.Ice).

Cody Michaels was a student of Dominic DeNucci along with Mick Foley and Shane Douglas. He sustained a broken neck during a match with John Tatum in 1991 and retired soon after. He developed the benefit show for Brian Hildebrand (aka WCW referee Mark Curtis) and helped unleash Wrestling Society X upon the free world. I believe you know the rest of the participants here. If it helps, Tony Anthony would eventually become the Wrestler Formerly Known as T.L. Hopper. The heels attack before the bell, but the faces gain the advantage by ramming the heels into each other and clearing the ring. Pritchard is on commentary and Eric Embry saunters down to ringside much to the very vocal chagrin of Pritchard. Meanwhile, in the ring Anthony shoulderblocks Michaels down but Michaels comes back with a headscissors and Anthony bails. Pritchard sounds a lot like Roddy Piper with the crazy ranting. They're spending way more time focusing on the announce table rather than the ring, but there's nothing going on there anyway. Lynn is tagged in and he gets an armbar on Anthony but he slams his way out of it and then promptly misses an elbowdrop. Lynn dropkicks both heels and they bail again. Embry finally leaves the announce table and Pritchard's commentary is really getting grating here. Back in the ring, Gilbert is in and falls victim to a headscissors from Lynn, or as the announcer calls it "Lookitthatmove!". Michaels tags back in as the announcer says we have a real donnybrook going on. They've only shown like two minutes of ring action! Anthony is in and hits Michaels with a side slam that gets a two count. Gilbert back in with a fistdrop for a two count. DDT for Gilbert on Michaels but instead of covering he slaps Michaels. Whip off the ropes into a clothesline. Anthony tagged in and he pummels Michaels in the heel corner. Whip to the opposite corner and Anthony misses a charge. Michaels gets a sunset flip for a two count. Gilbert back in, and Michaels gets a small package but they're in the ropes. Gilbert hits Michaels with a back elbow coming off the ropes. Anthony in and he chokes Michaels on the ropes. Gilbert tagged in again but puts his head down on a whip and Michaels gets a DDT. Hot tag to Lynn! He cleans house on the heels. Double dropkick to Anthony! Double dropkick to Gilbert! Everybody in the ring now, and here is Ice in the ring with a boot to Lynn's head. Anthony with the cover...1...2....3! *1/2

WINNERS: Tony Anthony & Doug Gilbert. The commentary war between Eric Embry and Tom Pritchard was very distracting, and more attention was actually given to what was going on there than the actual match. What we saw of the match was fine and probably would have been better if the 3-4 guys at ringside were not around.

Match #5: Curtis Thompson & Chris Walker vs. Sweet Daddy Falcone & Dog of War.

Thompson, of course, is Firebreaker Chip, former one-half of the WCW United States tag champs The Patriots. Here, he is dressed up like a mailman and has the nickname "US Male". That actually sounds like a name a meathead would think up for himself. And FUCK, Pritchard is back on commentary again and being a less entertaining and more annoying version of Roddy Piper. I already hate Thompson as he strips off his federal pants to orgasmic screams from the ladies. Walker and Dog start us off. Walker looks like he belongs in a steroid-infused hair metal band. He should be singing "The Final Countdown" in a karaoke bar somewhere. Walker shoves Dog to the mat on a lock up. Walker slams Dog and he bails to the heel corner and tags in Falcone. Walker likewise tags in Thompson and all this HOT action deserves a break. When we come back, Falcone has Thompson in the heel corner, but Thompson slams their heads together and the heels hit the floor. Falcone back in the ring and Thompson gets a wristlock into an armbar. Tag in to Walker who wrenches the arm a few times before tagging Thompson back in. Double chop from the faces puts Falcone down. Walker back in and he slaps on the armbar into a fireman's carry takeover. With Firebreaker Chip watching. THAT is where he got the inspiration from! Walker slams Falcone sloppily and misses a dropkick by 8 FEET! Falcone with a side slam on Walker as the announcer asks Pritchard what type of doctor he is. Answer: he calls himself a psychiatrist because he will psych you out in the ring. Not a bad retort, actually. Meanwhile, all four guys are in the ring and the heels are rammed into each other in the middle. Thompson whips Dog off the ropes into a powerslam, Walker tagged in and he comes off the top with a flying crossbody. Cover..1...2...3! 1/2*

WINNERS: Curtis Thompson & Chris Walker. Bad match here as Thompson and Walker were very green in there. The match was sloppy and the offense from both teams was uninspiring. After the match, Tony Anthony and Doug Gilbert hit the ring and attack the faces, then they're joined by Pritchard. Jeff Jarrett and Bill Dundee hit the ring to run them off and raise the arms of the victors.

Match #6: Jerry Lawler vs. Eddie Gilbert.

Gilbert gets on the mic and demands the crowd recognize that he, not Lawler, is the king of wrestling and didn't even want to come to Texas. We get some stalling from Gilbert to start as he hangs around on the floor and runs down the crowd. Here we go as they lock up on the ropes. Gilbert with a right hand and then a back bodydrop. Then he goes back to the mic and says "I told you I was the king". Lame mic work from someone you expect more from. Back in the ring, Gilbert with rights but then puts his head down on a whip and Lawler hits the DDT, sending Gilbert to the floor. There is some supreme stalling from Gilbert here as he keeps avoiding locking up with Lawler. They take a break and come back to Gilbert still stalling. Lawler finally lays in some right hands to Gilbert, who rolls out to the floor as this fucking match continues to move in slow motion. Back in the ring, Lawler catches a Gilbert boot and drops him to the mat then follows up with a fistdrop. Gilbert rolls to the floor AGAIN! Gilbert gets back in the ring with a foreign object in his hand and plays hide-and-seek with the ref. Jesus H. Fucking Christ! Gilbert slaps a headlock on Lawler and jabs the object in the face. He is able to conceal it from the referee and continues to attack Lawler's face with it. Rights by Gilbert in the corner and then a knee across the throat. Gilbert pummels him with some lefts now and rams his head to the buckle. A suplex for Gilbert and he covers...1...2....kick out! A right hand puts Lawler down, and Gilbert gets a two count from that. Lawler tries the comeback with a kick and some rights. Gilbert shoves Lawler into the referee and Gilbert grabs the foreign object from his tights and hits Lawler with it. Referee back to his senses for Gilbert's cover...1...2....kick out! Lawler comes back again with lefts and a right, putting Gilbert down. Lawler goes for the piledriver and hits it! Then he climbs to the middle rope and lands the fist drop! Doug Gilbert runs in and we have a DQ. *
WINNER: Via disqualification, Jerry Lawler. After the match, the Gilberts hit Lawler with a spike piledriver onto a chair. This match was all Gilbert stalling and doing some Memphis heel stuff. They went way too long for the finish they ran, with the outside interference. Definitely a disappointing match for these two.

Match #7: Danny Davis vs. Steve Austin (w/ Jeannie).

This would be "Nightmare" Danny Davis, the guy who started the Vyper Fight League with JBL and former owner of OVW. Winner of this match gets a shot at the USWA Southern Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Jarrett. Lock up and Austin wrings the arm, which Davis reverses. Austin gets a single leg takedown but Davis kicks him off. They trade armlocks until Davis hits Austin with a back elbow to break that up. Side headlock for Davis as Austin pushes him off the ropes into a shoulder block. Davis comes off the ropes into another shouler block. Davis goes under Austin's legs and grabs a side headlock to take him to the mat. In the corner, Austin hits a right hand to put Davis down and then stomps a mudhole in him, before that was a thing. Whip off the ropes and Austin hits a clothesline and then steps on the throat. Austin presses Davis over his head and drops him across the top rope throat first. Austin covers but only gets 2 as Davis gets the leg on the rope. Austin with a gutwrench suplex for a two count. The announcer calls every suplex a "belly to back suplex". Davis elbows out of a side headlock but runs off the ropes into an Austin knee. Austin covers for a two count then he hits the rear chinlock. Davis tries to power out but Austin pulls the hair to put him back down. Davis hits a jawbreaker to break that up but Austin is back on him, choking him on the ropes then stepping on the throat. Austin covers..1...2...kick out! Another rear chinlock for Austin. The referee checks the arm to make sure Davis isn't unconscious, which I don't follow because it's a resthold and not a sleeper. Davis gets to his feet and Austin breaks the hold, then dives at Davis, who dodges and Austin hits the floor. Davis follows him out and they brawl out there. Back in the ring, Davis hits a crossbody coming off the ropes for a two count. Davis hits a neckbreaker then hiptosses Austin out of the corner. He follows that up with another hiptoss out of the opposite corner. Austin takes Davis down by the legs, puts his feet on the ropes..1...2....3! **

WINNER: Steve Austin, earning a shot at the USWA Southern Heavyweight Championship. This match was probably the best one on this show at this point. It wasn't a great match, but it wasn't dull and plodding like everything else. Austin was still learning the trade and his offense was still limited. Davis did an okay carry job here and the match had a little energy once it spilled to the floor.

At this point, we get Jeff Jarrett vs. Eddie Gilbert for the USWA Southern Heavyweight Championship, as the match is already joined in progress. This is meant to be a video recap of the event, rather than the complete match as the announcer introduces the video and gives away the ending by informing us that Awesome Kong showed up to get involved. They show 5 minutes of Gilbert working Jarrett's leg and then applying the figure four leglock which is ultimately reversed by Jarrett. J.C. Ice shows up and almost costs Jarrett the match and Gilbert wallops Jarrett with a foreign object. The bell rings repeatedly as this ending is totally confusing because everybody keeps working the match and the ref keeps counting the pin attempt. Awesome Kong shows up and Jarrett is triple-teamed, with Kong splashing the leg repeatedly. Finally, Billy Travis and Bill Dundee show up to even the odds and Jarrett no-sells the leg injury by slamming Kong off the top rope.

FINAL PARTING SHOT: This particular episode of GWF was horrible. USWA had some pretty bad workrate, and the roster was nothing to sneeze at. A bunch of green guys coupled with several talentless slugs. I would avoid this one, unless you're interested in seeing an up-and-coming Steve Asutin, which is the sole reason the WWE Network uploaded these.






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