From Hartford, Connecticut
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan and Paul Orndorff open the promo-o-rama. Orndorff says Hulkamania dies tonight. Hulk Hogan uses judge and jury imagery again in his promo, blah blah. "Adorable" Adrian Adonis is back, looking for revenge on "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. George "The Animal" Steele promises "surprise." King Harley Race is going to teach the Junkyard Dog to bow in servitude. The JYD only bows to the Lord above.
So this is finally it- the first episode I ever saw of SNME. If I recall, we bought a VCR the same day, though I might be remembering that wrong. I do think we got the VCR to record my appearance on an ad for a local telethon. I would also like to apologize for the tardiness of this review; I bought the WWE Unreleased: 1985-1995 set, and never-released historical curiousities trump shows I've seen several times in my lifetime. I recommend the set wholeheartedly, and also suggest that if you're going to buy it, do it from Amazon and click on the ad on the side of this page featuring my Clash book (with Sting on the cover).
"Mean" Gene Okerlund asks Heenan if he's taken out championship belt insurance. Is that because of that pretentious "The Hartford" insurer that has stupid ads running during baseball these days?
WWF championship steel cage match, Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Danny Davis and Joey Marella are both serving as refs. Alarms should be going off in your head if you don't know where this is headed. Hulk tells Gene it's been a long road, and the cage is a dead end for Mr. Wonderful. Hulk climbs in to start, and Orndorff attacks him. Paul whips him with the belt, and stomps away. Boogie-Woogie elbows lead to him going for the door. Orndorff clotheslines him back down to the mat, and gets to the other side of the cage before Hogan grabs his chair and chokes him on the top. Hulk rams his head into the cage while Orndorff hangs upside-down, then chokes him with his headband. Hogan quickly tries to escape, but Orndorff pulls him down to the top buckle. He chokes Hulk with his ankle, and heads to the door. Hulk stops him, and punches him to the mat. Orndorff grabs Hulk's legs to prevent escape. Orndorff drops elbows and headbutts Hulk, JYD-style. He then rams Hulk's head to the mat. Both get their heads rammed to the cage, and fall to the mat. The two men simultaneously climb out and drop to the floor. Marella raises Hulk's arm, and crooked ref Davis raises Orndorff's. Davis shoves Marella to the mat. While Hogan threatens Marella, Orndorff knees him into the ring barrier. This match must continue...
When we return Orndorff is working Hogan over outside the cage. Paul goes to the top to drop an elbow on a prone Hulkster. He then may or may not have been rubbing a foreign object to Hogan's face and throat. Davis gets carried out by other refs. Orndorff clotheslines Hogan, and drops an elbow, but it's Hulk Up time. Hulk punches and chops Paul, and rams him face-first into the cage. Hulk kicks at Heenan, and rams him again. And again and aGAIN. Backbreaker and legdrop, and Hulk goes up. Heenan then opens the door and grabs Hulk's leg, but gets kicked off. Hulk punches and atomic drops Paul, rams Heenan into the cage, and climbs on out. *** for the drama. This shit was serious when I was a kid. Hulk beats Heenan up some more to celebrate. We then see side-by-side footage of the two men jumping to the floor at the same time. Jesse points out Hogan's legs are bent, and Paul's are straight, so therefore Orndorff reached first.
Randy "Macho Man" Savage and Elizabeth talk to Gene. Savage tells her "I'm the champion, and nobody cares about you."
Randy Savage vs. George "The Animal" Steele- George came out with his LJN figure, which he gives to Liz. Macho impressively bounced it on the mat, then Steele lifted him by his throat. He rams Savage to the buckles, then slams him, twice. Steele then waves towards the locker room, and Savage throws him down. Savage slams Steele, and goes to the top. Then Ricky Steamboat's music hits and he appears, and Steele slams Savage off the top. Steele throws Savage over the top rope, and George grabs Liz and leaves. Steamboat makes karate gestures at Savage, who of course crushed his larynx with the ring bell. Steele returns, and rips the buckle open. He rubs the stuff in Savage's face and throws it on the ref, then slams Savage. Savage puts on the breaks and sends Steele into the buckles. Macho punches and kicks the Animal, until Steele returns favor, and also bites Savage. Steele gets caught in the ropes, but when he gets out bites Savage's arm. Steele gets knocked out, and then hits Savage with a rolled-up foreign object. Steele then shoves down the ref, and Savage waffles him in the back of the head with the ring bell for the win. * for the match, but the angle was important. Steamboat then returns to prevent Savage from doing to Steele what happened to him. Steamboat rubs Animal's head and pours the buckle stuff on it to calm him down. * for the match, but the angle was important.
Gene talks to Heenan and Race. "I am the king of wrestling...everyone will bow to me in servitude," Race says. Heenan says JYD will be bow-wowing to Race tonight.
Harley Race vs. JYD- McMahon makes a throne joke about Race, natch. JYD says he only bows to the good lord above. Then Gene also makes a throne joke. Class-y. JYD presents his ample posterior to Race, which is probably not the bowing he meant. As Danny Davis talks with JYD, Race punches him and gets two. A flying knee followed by a kneedrop gets two. JYD fires back and whips Race into the post. Race headbutts Race down, but Race gets a belly-to-belly. He drops a headbutt, but it hurts Race more than JYD. Dog then crawls around headbutting Race, and the King does a Flair flop out of the ring. Dog then puts on the robe and crown, which I've seen a million times in the video package on Wrestlemania III. Heenan then attacks JYD from behind, and does an awesome flip sell of a punch. Race then its the Dog with an elbow from the top. Finally the bell rings, and Davis comically raises JYD's arm as he's unconscious on the mat. Heenan and Race try to make Dog bow, but he Dogs Up and chases them away. Davis then grabs the Dog by the waist, but gets headbutted. That was uncalled for. I'll give the match a star, but it was crap.
Heenan tells Orndorff you are the world champion in the locker room. He's gonna go to WWF president Jack Tunney, and in less than a month the belt will be around Orndorff's waist. I don't think there was really any follow-up on this; by the next SNME it was all Hogan vs. Andre. Perhaps if the rumors of Orndorff on standby to replace Andre are true, this was their way to keep the feud alive.
Gene talks to Adonis and Jimmy Hart. Adrian is apparently leaner and meaner, and back from being injured by Piper.
Adrian Adonis vs. Roddy Piper- Adonis also just comes out in his trunks, not wearing a dress and scarves. Piper tells Adonis (and Gene) he's fighting for pride. Piper throws his kilt at Adonis, and hiptosses him twice, and kneelifts him over the top rope. Adonis does a Flair Flip on the top, and Piper bites him. Piper throws him across the ring by his arm, then snaps it on the top rope. Adonis fires back, and scratches his back. Piper punches away, and slams his face on the mat. Adonis locks on goodnight Irene, but they fall to the floor. Piper punches Jimmy, but Adonis hits him with his atomizer, and sprays Piper in the eyes. Think Martel and Jake. Piper gets counted out by Joey Marella, *3/4. That seems more like a Danny Davis call. Piper then hiptosses Marella. McMahon says Piper probably thought Marella was Adonis. Riiiight.
Gene talks to Hogan. Hulk is getting off on this victory. Eww. He suggests if you run the video of the finish backwards like an old cartoon, then maybe Orndorff won.
Blackjack Mulligan vs. Jimmy Jack Funk- This is the Battle for Texas, with a similiar graphic to This Tuesday in Texas. JJ is pointing out Mulligan's spurs to the lady ref. Mulligan removes them, and JJ attacks him. BJ reverses a whip, and clotheslines JJ out. He backdrops JJ on the floor. Mulligan presses JJ over his head, drops him, and lariats JJ. A flying back elbow finishes. *. Mulligan then tries to hang JJ. I don't understand why the WWF brought in BJ right after his SON left the Federation.
THIS has to be the credit sequence that originally had "Take Me Home" by Phil Collins. If I get a chance I'll check my copy of the original.
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