I can't take credit for this awesome artwork.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura intros the new season of the show. We then see Jake "The Snake" Roberts in a shower with Damian, which I vaguely remember him discussing on his DVD set. I can't remember if it was his idea or Dick Ebersol's. Johnny V says the British Bulldogs are full of British Bull___. Edgy. Kevin Sullivan's father also yells about Kamala, and Heenan and Paul Orndorff do a promo in front of three mirrors. And Hogan does his usual.
From the Richfield Coliseum in Cleveland.
"Mean" Gene Okerlund with "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. And they show the Flower Shop incident, which is one of three events that cemented my fandom. One of the other two will surely be shown later in this episode. Piper is supposedly too injured to wrestle because of his knee injury. He says if he wants to wrestle, he's gonna wrestle. My God, I thought that shit was deadly serious, especially when Pipes destroyed the Flower Shop.
And here's the second one- Paul Orndorff attacking Hogan during a tag team match with King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. Orndorff's side of the story is Hogan stopped returning his calls.
Meanwhile, the Hulkster gets Biblical on Orndorff's backside. Gene gets a rebut from Heenan and Orndorff on "that Albino ape." They reveal Orndorff will be using "Real American." I had forgotten about that bit.
WWF championship, Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Hulk picks Gene up and moves him out of his way on the way to the ring. McMahon thinks Hogan looks like a boxcar coming down to the ring. Hogan misses a charge and Paula fires away. Hogan retaliates and drops him with a punch. Hogan chases Heenan off the apron, and Orndorff clotheslines him over and out. Hogan rams him into the apron. Back in, Hulk chops away and Orndorff is wobbly-legged. Headbutt, and a corner clothesline. Hogan knocks Heenan down again, and Orndorff punches Hulk in the throat. Boogie-woogie elbow is followed by kneedrops. Hogan fell on the timekeeper, and Orndorff chokes him with a cord. Orndorff won't let him back into the ring. Orndorff chokes Hogan with his knee, and an uppercut to the throat gets two. Orndorff bites his nose and a suplex gets two. Hogan reverses a whip and hits a big knee. Hogan slams him, but Heenan grabs his ankle. Hogan drops down to avoid Orndorff's charge, and he topples out. Police then escort Heenan out. When we return, Heenan is locked up in the back. Orndorff has the advantage inside, and does the same offense as before. Orndorff gets a backbreaker, and an elbow gets two. A big clothesline, and Orndorff signals for a piledriver. Hogan backdrops him out. He Hulks Up on Orndorff, and punches away. Big elbow and Hogan clotheslines him. Hogan sets up for a piledriver, and gets attacked by Adrian Adonis. Piper hobbles down on a crutch. He whallops Adonis out of the ring with it, and swings and misses Hogan. Hogan almost hits Piper, but they hit a stalemate. **3/4
Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat- Gene talked to Jake in the shower with Damian earlier. Jake tells Gene he should go back to selling encyclopedias, which Gene denies. Earlier Steamboat showed the cameras his dragon. Moving on, Jake works the arm to begin, but Dragon chops out of it, and backdrops Jake by the wrist for two. Armdrag takedown by the Dragon, as Jake tries to get his bag. Steamboat kind of backdrops Jake, onto his ribs instead of a full flip. Outside and in, and Ricky's armdraggin'. Jake misses on a charge, and gets slingshot into the buckles. Dragon hits him then goes up, but hits knees. Both men crawl to their bags, but Jake cuts the Dragon off. Roberts drops the Dragon on his ribs for two. A flying shot to the ribs drops Steamboat. A short-arm clothesline gets two. Jake gets a scoop slam and works on Ricky's ribs. Steamboat chops away but gets kneelifted. A snapmare gets two for Jake. Ricky rams his head to the mat, but gets atomic dropped. Ricky gets a crucifix for the 1-2-3. **1/2. Jake knocks him out of the ring and rams his back into the post. Roberts pulls out Damian, then Steamboat brings out a "dragon" (gila monster, maybe?). Roberts then bails.
Gene talks to Hogan. Hulk was turned on by the 20,000 Hulkamaniac's butts...in the juror's box. He warned Piper not to come into his courtroom, even though he took care of Adonis. Heenan is guilty by association. He says it wasn't a hung jury (and not in the way the Rock used it). Hogan said the verdict is guilty as charged.
The Iron Sheik vs. Pedro Morales- We see Jesse interview Slick and Sheik when they arrived by limo earlier. Piper then comes down via crutch. Originally it was scheduled as Piper vs. the Sheik. Piper ordered Morales out, then whalloped Sheik with the crutch. He pounded on Sheik, but when he threatened Slick Sheik attacked and choked Roddy with his shirt. Roddy gets a small package off of a suplex attempt for the win. *1/2 for the match, but the segment deserves more. Piper is squarely a face at this point.
Johnny V says he knows Mean Gene was in on his men getting robbed of their belts at Wrestlemania 2, as we see a clip.
Gene talks to Piper, who dumps a cola on his head. He does what he wants. Great promo; I couldn't do justice recapping it. He closes by saying "I'm Roddy Piper; you're not."
WWF tag team championship, 2 out of 3 falls: The Dream Team vs. The British Bulldogs (c)- Dynamite atomic dropped Valentine to begin, and Davey cheapshot him. Jesse was unaware of the 2 out of 3 falls rule here. Slugfest, and Valentine works Dynamite's knee in the corner. Beefcake suplexes the Kid next, and works that knee. Davey gets tagged, and they exchange arm wringers. Beefcake drops him, then holds him for an elbow to the head by Valentine for two. Doubleteams on Davey. Valentine misses an elbow and Davey tags Dynamite. A chops drops him like a tree, but Valentine hits an atomic drop. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker for two. A clothesline gets two, then Brutus comes in and drops elbows for two. Valentine headbutts Kid to the junk, but gets forearmed. Dynamite headbutts him, but Valentine hits the knee and locks on the figure four. Beefcake drops Davey and Kid submits.
Round 2: Gene tells us Adonis may have a shoulder separation from the crutch shot. Valentine is still working the knee, though Kid pushes him off when he attempts a figure four. Brutus in, and he stomps the knee and cheapshots Davey. The Dream Team wishbones the Kid. Beefer stomps away. Brutus (the future Fuckin' Barber) Beefcake does the strut he did as a face, then miiltary presses Kid. He drops him for two, then Valentine drops an elbow. A bodyslam is followed by a missed elbow, and Davey gets the tag. He headbutts Valentine and clothesline him, and dropkicks Beefcake. Headbutt Valentine, then a War and Peace suplex on Valentine for two. Davey powerslams Valentine but Beefcake runs in. Davey puts him in a fireman's carry position, then Kid springboards off Beefer's back with a flying headbutt to make it a fall apiece.
Round 3: A limping Kid faces Valentine, who goes right for the knee. Kid fights back with headbutts and chops. He gets a snap suplex, but misses a headbutt to the mat. Valentine drops elbows for two. Kid gets the tag but the ref missed it. Beefcake goes off the top with a forearm, and Valentine gets two on the Kid. More work on the knee, but he is kicked off when he attempts the figure four. Beefer and Davey get tagged in, and Brutus backdrops Davey. A clothesline gets two. Brutus with a blatant chokehold, and a headbutt to the junk gets two. Atomic drop by Kid gets two. Brutus gets tagged and shoves Smith. He rakes Davey's eyes with his boot, and Valentine snaps his throat on the top rope. Valentine drops knees to Smiths' throat, and suplexes him for two. Beefcake gets a flying knee, but Dynamite breaks up the pin. It turns into a Pier 6er, and Beefcake misses flying knee in the corner and Davey perfect-plexes him for the win. ***1/4 That was probably better than the Mania 2 match.
Kamala vs. "Leaping" Lanny Poffo- Earlier the Wizard told Gene Kamala is from a tribe that dates back thousands of years. Gene welcomed Kamala back. Kamala misses a chop and Lanny backflips. Kamala throws Lanny and he kips up. Kamala then jumps in the air in response. He kickes Lanny, and chops him coming off the ropes. Kamala rams his head to the buckles, and picks Poffo up by the neck. Lanny fires back, but Kamala rakes his eyes and gives him a double shot the throat. Body slam, splash, and that's it. 3/4* Kamala goes to the top, but Kim Chee talks him down.
I wonder if this is the episode that originally ended with Phil Collins' "Take Me Home" playing over the credits. Here it's "Real American" (which is of course Paul Orndorff's theme).
I'm encouraged that the wrestling is getting better on these shows, plus we're into the era when I started watching, so I will hopefully start enjoying these shows more.
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