Saturday Night's Main Event #6

From Providence, Rhode Island

Hulk Hogan and the Junkyard Dog will apparently have the Haiti Kid with them. And, oh God, I saw Uncle Elmer in the show's intro. Please don't be so.

We see the Funk's beating JYD/Tito Santana at Wrestlemania 2 by use of the megaphone. They responded to Haiti Kid by bringing along Jimmy Jack Funk.

The Funk Brothers vs. Hulk/JYD- I like how the name "Dory" just wasn't distinct/southern enough for noted hillbilly enthusiast/idiot Vince McMahon, but Terry was apparently just fine. JYD slams Terry and Hoss to start, and Hulk (with Dog's chain around his neck) headbutts the Funks a la JYD. Hoss fails to slam Dog, and JYD responds with a slam. Terry  in, and misses a charge in the corner and rolls outside. Funk runs and grabs Haiti Kid, but he goes under the ring. JYD clotheslines Terry inside. Now we got Hulk vs. Hoss, as Hogan continues to run through the former NWA world champions. The Funks do-si-do on a crisscross, and Hogan gives Terry a big boot and clotheslines Hoss. He slams Hoss and drops an elbow for two. JYD clotheslines Hoss as Heenan calls him an illiterate. Terry and Hoss work JYD over in the corner, and the ref keeps Hogan out. JYD eventually gets the advantage of a slugfest with Terry, and evades a Hoss charge. Hogan in and he throws Terry out. Hart waffles Haiti Kid with the branding iron, and Hulk runs after Hart. Terry kicks Haiti in the head, then JYD carries him to the back as we head to break. Hulk slams Hoss and knocks Terry onto the announce table. Dog is back as Hoss throws forearms in the corner. Hulk suplexes him for two. JYD headbutts Hoss, and when Hogan goes outside Funk hits him with the iron. He rams Hulk into the railing, and JYD slams Funk and then Hulk baaaaaack bodydrops Terry on the floor. Hulk goes back in and Haiti Kid is now back. Hoss punches Dog in the esophagus. Hoss uppercuts him, then tags his brother. A doubleclothesline puts them both down. Terry misses a headbutt from the top. Hogan clotheslines both, legdrops Terry and gets the 1-2-3. *** The Funks hold Haiti so Hart can hit him. Hulk drags Hart and kid out before he can be branded, then Hulk holds Jimmy so the Kid can clap him. Hulk scares the heels off with the bell, and then he and JYD celebrate. 

King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer- I'm so fucking excited (sarcasm). Bundy weighed 468 at the official weigh-in earlier. Elmer had a bucket of fried pig parts and he stepped on the scales. 430. Vince yee-has as Elmer enters. Sigh. Heenan stays on commentary. Bundy shoulderblocks Elmer but can't drop him. He finally drops, and Bundy chokes him. Heenan  says he looks like  "the Heindenberg in Denim." He slams his giant ass into Bundy to break free, and splashes him in the corner. Elmer misses another one, and Bundy pins him with an elbow. 3/4* 

Adrian Adonis discusses how hot his opponent Paul Orndorff is. Then we see Orndorff and Okerlund in a sauna together in a pretape. I'lI leave the jokes here to Scott Keith in his review.

Paul Orndorff vs. Adrian Adonis- Armdrag by Orndorff and slams to start. I think a young Tim White is the ref here. Orndorff drags Adonis in, and he does a Flair Flip right back out. McMahon is as sensitive as you'd expect about Adonis wearing a dress in the ring, while Heenan takes the sensible "that is his preference" side. Orndorff locks on an abdonimal stretch. It's all even more ridiculous that Vince supposedly came up with this gimmick for Adonis after he gained weight. Adonis briefly takes advantage but gets sent out of the ring. Orndorff pulls Jimmy Hart in, and tosses him onto Adonis. Orndorff airplane spins Adonis, who pulls him to the floor. Orndorff posts him, then chases Hart in to the ring. Adonis waffles him with the megaphone. Adonis has his heat segment, but Orndorff moves before a kneedrop. Adonis slams him and gets a vertical suplex. Adonis flips over in the ropes to get tied up, and dropkicks Adonis. Orndorff then strips Adonis and chokes him with his dress. Orndorff, seemingly enraged with homophobia,  throws the ref down for the DQ. DUD I didn't like this it all, and was embarrassed this ran even in 1986. I'm desperately waiting for these shows to improve. 

We go to Gene and Hulk sitting in the empty arena before the show. First they show King Kong Bundy beating up Hulk in Phoenix on the last SNME. We then see footage of Hogan vs.Bundy at WM2. Hulk has his hit list, and he's going to take out Bundy, Muraco and Fuji one by one.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat- doesn't happen. Jake jumps him right away, DDTs him on the floor, and drapes Damian on him. This garnered mucho heat and I think they had a blowoff at The Big Event.

WWF tag team title 2 out of 3 falls, British Bulldogs (c) vs. Nikolai Volkoff, The Iron Sheik- McMahon also doesn't like foreigners singing their national anthems in 'Merica, of course. Davey evades Nikolai and gets two. Davey gets dropped onto the top rope. The Sheik German suplexes him and then the Camel Clutch gets a quick submission for Fall #1.

Fall 2- Sheik gives Davey a baaaaack bodydrop. Bet he couldn't have done that in '91 to Davey. Clothesline leads to an abdominal stretch on the Bulldog. He gets out but misses an elbowdrop. Volkoff clotheslines him and stomps on his tummy. Davey gets a sunset flip but Sheik is distracting the ref. Volkoff rams Davey into the Sheik's boot. Tilt-a-whirl suplex gets two. Davey atomic drops Sheik for two. Nikolai almost gator-rolls Davey for two. Davey hits a back elbow but can't get the tag. Blassie sets Davey on the bottom rope and Sheik jumps on him. Bodyslam by Volkoff gets two. Davey runs him into Sheik for the pin. 

Fall 3- Kid has a torn ligament in his left knee, Vince says. The heels doubleteam Davey. Sheik gets a Boston Crab but Davey makes the ropes. Davey powerslams Sheik but Volkoff breaks up the pin. Davey tags Dynamite, and Sheik puts him in a bearhug. Volkoff then does the same. Another tilt-a-whirl and then the Camel Clutch. As the ref argues with Volkoff, Davey breaks up the clutch and rolls up Sheik himself. It was illegal, and in no way should count, but that was something. **1/2.  

Saturday Night's Main Event #5

From Phoenix, Arizona (where John Cena doesn't really want to be)

Mr. T is pulverizing a waterbag as "Mean" Gene Okerlund tries to get a word with him about his boxing match with Bob Orton. "This ain't gonna be a fight; it's gonna be a war!" This match was apparently set up on a Piper's Pit. 

Gene talks to the "Battling" Bob and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper. Wow, is Randy becoming his dad. Bob is probably about the same age as Randy is now here. We then see T knocking out a fool in the gym, knocking off his headgear in the process.

Boxing match, Mr. T vs. Bob Orton- I assume T's corner people are somebodies. Orton attacks T while T is on his stool. Even in a worked fight, there's lots of hugging. Hopefully neither will turn their back and turtle up when they're in trouble, a la Floyd Mayweather. I guess he wanted McGregor to give him an illegal blow, but you don't do that in the UFC. The doctor is checking out T's eye after he took a shot. When they get back at it, Orton cheap shots T while the ref is separating them at the end of the round. Judge Ted Blanchard scores the fight 10-9 T. Orton showboats but with the ref distracted by Piper Orton cheats. He tries to have Piper hold T for a shot, but Piper instead gets belted. T knocks Orton out of the ring for the win (?).  Piper then wants to go, so T backs the ref up. Orton, though, drops T with a flying kneelift. Orton holds T and Piper whips him with a belt. 

Gene talks to T. He threatens he's gonna get Piper. 

Gene talks to Heenan (R.I.P.) and King Kong Bundy. Bundy wants Hulk right now. "Anywhere, anytime Hogan." Instead, Bundy will face Steve Gatorwolf.

Steve Gatorwolf vs. King Kong Bundy- Forearms and chops on the jobber. He whips him to the buckle, then in the other corner he splashes him. Bundy insists on the five count. Nothing to rate here. He bellows for Hogan.

Gene talks to Muraco. Heenan is going to be with him. We look at Mr. Fuji with a heating pad, then Gene is back with Hogan. The Hulkamaniacs are going to keep an eye out for him. 

WWF championship, Magnificent Muraco vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Muraco gets an early advantage, and rakes Hulk's back. Hulk reverses a whip for a baaaaack bodydrop. Now Hulk rakes the back, and nails Heenan. Hulk punches the Rock down, and whips him to the corner for a clothesline. Atomic drop sends Muraco over the top rope. Hulk rams him to the apron, and it's a slugfest back in. Hulk gets two off of a punch. Headbutt, then Hulk grabs a bearhug. Heenan is poised to jump into the ring, but I'm expecting someone else. Muraco gets out, and drops knees for two. Muraco hits an Asian spike to the throat, and kneelifts him. Heenan is cheering Muraco on. He drops an elbow, then a headbutt to the lower abdomen (which Vince then says). Russian legsweep, and Don hits an Asian spike from the middle buckle. He gets two as the Hulk Up commences. He whips Muraco into the corner for a back elbow. Big boot, legdrop, and Heenan interferes. *3/4 Hulk picks him up buy his shirt collar, and Bundy attacks. Muraco holds Hogan's arms in the corner for the avalanche. He throws the ref out, and hits another avalanche, then a third. People start throwing trash like it's Bash at the Beach '96. Bundy then splashes Hogan on the mat, and Muraco turns him over for another. The heels celebrate as the British Bulldogs finally run in. A doctor is also there. Is it Zahorian? 

Hulk does a stretcher job after the break. Gorilla Monsoon climbed in the ambulance. Oooh, Okerlund asked "what hospital are we going to?" It's a medical center, Gene!

The Dream Team and Johnny Valiant talk to Gene. They lost a non-title match to the British Bulldogs recently. Greg Valentine calls the Bulldogs a circus act.

WWF tag team championship, The Dream Team (c) vs. The British Bulldogs- Davey shoves Valentine to start. Atomic drop, and Dynamite Kid cheapshots him. A headbutt gets two. A suplex back in gets two. Dynamite in for a double clothesline and headbutt. That gets two. The Dynamite/Benoit similarities are astounding; I thought that was a young Wolverine for a second. Dynamite collides with Beefcake and tags Davey. He picks up Brutus Beefcake by his wrist. Valentine tags and gets press-slammed for two. The Bulldgos double headbutt Valentine, and Davey drops a knee on his head. A back suplex and headbutt by Kid gets two. A flying knee form the middle buckle leads to a Davey tag. Valentine punches him but gets dropkicked. A small package gets two. Dynamite chops him but gets atomic dropped. Beefcake stomps on his groin, as Albano and Valiant get into it. Both teams go outside to break that up, as SNME rolls on. Dynamite and Bulldog square off, with Davey dropkicking Brutus out of Dynamite's arms and splashing him for two. The heels wishbone Davey and Valetine locks on the figure four. Dynamite gets tagged and headbutts the Hammer. Valentine gets his dander up and slugs away, and drops an elbow from the middle rope. Valentine gets a shoulderbreaker for two.  He rams Dynamite to Brutus' boot, and Beefer stomps on his chest for two. Valentine drops a forearm to his throat for two. Dynamite launches him into the corner, and slams him off of the top. Dynamite dropkicks him off the top for two (foot on the rope). Clothesline for another. He gets a snap suplex but Beefer breaks up the pin. Davey dropkicks him out as Valentine and Davey crack heads. The Hammer falls on top of him and gets the pin. ***1/4. FINALLY a great match on one of these shows! This was probably better than the Mania 2 rematch.

Gene is outside the hospital, and knows nothing yet. Despite Hulk possibly being dead, we see his "Real American" video's debut. I think we've all seen this, though I just noticed the guy on the bike hitting a brick wall, which looks like a "Jackass" stunt.

Junkyard Dog vs. Adrian Adonis- Ugh. Chewy, I have a bad feeling about this. Dog flips Adonis by his scarf, and whips him to the post. Headbutt, and Adonis is caught in the ropes as JYD prances around the ring. JYD flips Adonis back in, defying physics. Clothesline for JYD gets two.Adonis goes out and Dog headbutts Jimmy Hart while he hugged Adonis outside. JYD pulls Hart in and somehow Adonis and Hart flip over the top rope together. Adonis played possum and hit a headbutt, and with the ref distract Hart tied JYD's foot to the bottom rope. Adonis chokes away as the ref deals with Hart. Jimmy then cheapshots JYD as Adonis jumps on him. Dave Hebner pulls Adonis off by the hair for choking JYD. Fistdrop as the Dog is now free gets two. Adonis goes for a piledriver, and JYD's legs knock out the ref. Dog rams Adonis into Hart's megaphone, and JYD gets the pin. *3/4

Gene is with Hogan's physician. His lower back, ribs and neck are injured, and they are awaiting the X-rays.

As they recap the show Vince McMahon says Hulk has sent a statement that he's going to leave the hospital in a matter of hours. Yet these are the injuries that he still sold at Wrestlemania 2 vs. Bundy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Saturday Night's Main Event #4

Before we go back in tiiime, I'd like to encourage you to click on the Amazon link on the right for my ebook "Clash of the Champions: The Story of Sting" (revised edition). There is also a paperback edition, which has done surprisingly well in the UK. I also just finished my second edition of AWA TV reviews, which you can also find to the right.

From the Sun Dome in Tampa. If it's still around, I hope the hurricane doesn't hit it. Seriously, best wishes to everyone in Florida, Georgia, the Carolinas and Texas.

We see Hulk Hogan and "Mean" Gene Okerlund poolside. Hulk makes a Python Protein drink for Okerlund. Then we see "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura spying on the hillbillies poolside.

Vince McMahon runs down the card, and Ventura walks in to hype his match later.  Yes- Bobby "the Brain" Heenan is subbing for him! Upgrade.

Okerlund with Piper and Bob Orton, and eventually Jesse. Blah blah, and that match is first. The hillbillies also say nothing of note to Gene. 

Piper, Orton, Ventura vs. The Hillbillies- Heenan bemoans the hillbillies not wearing gear. Elmer starts with Ventura. This literally may be the only match I've seen Jesse wrestle. I should search on the Network, perhaps. Elmer chokes and drops Jesse. Jim headlocks Jesse, who knees him in the midsection and tags Piper. Now Luke comes in, and I'm not even sure this is the same guy from the previous SNMEs. Orton and Piper doubleteam Luke, and make quick tags. Jesse in, and steps on Lukes head. He then holds Luke for Piper to slap him. More quick tags, and then when Jim tags Luke the ref misses it. Luke finally tags Elmer, and he brawls with Piper. Bearhug, but Roddy pokes his eye. It turns into a pier-sixer, and the heels try to regroup outside. They run back in, and order is eventually restored. Damn. Now the heels triple team Jim. I'm seriously sick of watching these hicks, and I hope they're gone by the next SNME (though I know Jim won't be). Piper gets Luke in a sleeper, but he judo throws Roddy off. Orton uses his cast to wallop Luke, and Piper locks the sleeper back on to get the win. 1/2* Let's please be done with this now.

Ventura is already back in the booth, sadly. 

Gene is whereever in Florida, as it's time for a water slide competition. Jimmy Hart is competing with the Junkyard Dog. The heavier Dog wins. Thrilling. Jesse is somehow there, interviewing Funk. He wants to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated when he beat Hogan tonight. 

We see Funk attacking Hogan with the branding iron in Denver. Hogan says he humiliated me and all of Denver. JYD will be in his corner, and he says some stuff.

WWF championship, Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Terry Funk- It's funny now there's still no standard for the WWF "look" yet. The Denver clip had the ropes in the correct "red, white and blue" order, but SNME doesn't. The mat is kind of blue-gray too, instead of the lighter one we're all used to. And last but not least, Hogan is wearing blue gear instead of yellow, and Funk is in red trunks instead of his disco pants. JYD forces Hart onto a chair outside as we head to break. Hogan reverses a whip and clotheslines Funk, and does Happy Gilmore's bull dance in celebration. I like how they seemingly brought in all of the former NWA champions they could in this era to put Hogan over. I wonder if Dory (or "Hoss," I guess) ever got a shot, too. Hogan clotheslines him over the top. On a drop down Hogan keeps stepped on Funk's back, until Funk takes a comical spill onto the announce table. JYD throws in a chair for Hulk to sit on. I'm waiting for the heat portion that I think I remember to kick in here. Funk chops him but then hogan punches him. To the corner, and Funk does a Flair Flip. Hogan gets two off of a back suplex. Funk goes up but Hogan shakes the ropes to crotch him. Atomic drop on Funk, and Hogan headbutts him. Clothesline, elbow, but no legdrop. Jimmy Hart tries to trip Hogan, gets chased, so he goes under the ring. Funk then chokes Hogan with tape in the ring, and Hart comes back out. Funk piledrives Hogan in the ring, but kicks out at 2.99. Funk stomps on his face, but when he punches Hulk it's Hulk Up time. Back elbow, and the big boot knocks him to the apron. Hulk suplexes him in but gets branding iron-ed by Hart and Funk falls on top. Hogan gets his foot on the rope. Funk argues with the ref, JYD headbutts Hart, and Hogan clotheslines Funk for the win. **3/4. Funk then tries to attack the ref. I honestly remembered this being better.

Funk drags Hart back to the dressing room by the ankle. Hogan tells Okerlund he hasn't had enough. Is there a rematch on the next show?

We see the events leading up to George "The Animal" Steele vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage. George also frolics at the water park. Jesse asks Savage and Liz if they're planning strategy. Savage is teaching Liz how to swim, which consists of him throwing her into a pool while Jesse laughs.

WWF intercontiental championship, Randy Savage (c) vs. George Steele- Wait- I'm being told by my man Woodrow in the back I jumped the gun and that Savage is not actually the champion yet. Savage is arguing with fans as George literally paws at Liz. Savage is of course irate. Savage bails a couple of times. Then Steele tosses him to the floor. It's really a shame how much time Savage had to waste wrestling Steele in '86 and '87. Punchy-kicky, and Savage pulls Steele out. He runs and pulls Liz in front of him. Steele slams Savage, then rips off the buckle. He puts the padding in Savage's face, but gets distracted by Liz. Savage hits him with an axehandle for the win, then picks up Liz and walks off. 3/4*

Hulk and Gene introduce a 1985 in Review music video. The Network version has obviously changed music. This is actually a longer version of the famous Coliseum Video, um, video I spoke of last time. The song keeps saying "there's a riot in the streets," but I couldn't find it on YouTube. 

Gene talks to Blassie, Sheik and Volkoff. Sheik is there for "moral support," but Gene points out he doesn't have a manager's license. 

Jesse talks to Corporal Kirchner. He is such a scary looking dude. I basically only knew him from his LJN figure. He rides a zipline and drops into a pool.

Peace match: Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirchner- They shake hands to begin. They break clean against the ropes a couple of times. Um...is Dean Malenko refereeing?! 

Kirchner gets an armbar and a takeover for two. Now a top wristlock, and still a clean break. Nikolair rolls him up with a bridge for two. Corp rolls him up for one. Another small package gets two. Nikolai then headbutts him in the gut, drops him on the top rope, then kneedrops him in the face for the 1-2-3. *1/2. At least there was a little wrestling. Kirchner goes nuts on Sheik and Volkoff afterwards. 

We see video of Muraco surfing and getting mobbed by girls. JYD is basically Kane in these early SNMEs, in that he is everybody's special partner or backup, and the heels cower at him. And oh God, Fuji talks about boiled and fried dog. Someone arrest that man; he admitted it!

Steamboat tells Gene the only thing those guys haven't done to him is defeat him. 

Magnificent Muraco, Fuj the Stooge vs. Ricky Steamboat, JYD- Muraco dropkicks(!) Dog to begin. Fuji throws Steamer to the floor as Muraco works over JYD. Fuj slams Steamboat on the floor. JYD gets a baaaaack bodydrop on Muraco, but misses a headbutt. Fuj uses his karate but gets slammed. JYD armdrags and slams Muraco. A headbutt possibly breaks Rock's nose, but Fuj takes back over. Muraco in and he mises a charge, and Steamer gets tagged. Ricky chops both of the heels, and hits an enzuiguri. He slingshots Muraco into Fuj, then hits a flying bodypress. Fuj breaks up the pin. JYD tagged, and a headbutt gets the win. * Everyone continues to brawl. 

I'm really struggling getting through these early SNMEs. The wrestling is basically non-existent, save stuff like Hogan-Funk. I'm hoping things will pick up in '87 when we get to the shows I saw when they were new. 

Saturday Night's Main Event #3- Halloween Havoc!

We see Bobby "The Brain" Heenan bobbing for apples. He's dressed as Davey Crockett, and "Mean" Gene Okerlund is like a wizard.

Hulk and Andre say nothing, and Jesse Ventura talks to Roddy Piper about interrupting Uncle Elmer's wedding on the last episode.

Gene talks to newcomers Terry Funk and Jimmy Hart. Funk will face the Junkyard Dog, and spits tobacco on the camera.

Vince McMahon welcomes us, as we see fans in costumes. We also see Terry Funk beating up a ring attendant from weeks back. Jimm Hart tells Okerlund that was television tricks, that he didn't really do that. "We got some branding to do!"- Terry Funk in 1985, or Stephanie McMahon in 2017?!

We then see a clip of Funk working the Junk Yard Dog over with his branding iron at Madison Square Garden. JYD tells Okerlund tonight is his day (every dog has, get it?).

Drunk Terry Flunk vs. JYD- The dog cheapshots Funk to begin, then bounces him crotch-first on the top rope. So many of the clips from the Coliseum Video ad come from these early SNMEs. Funk bails, then gets a slam back in. He misses an elbow, and gets slammed. Now JYD tosses him over the top. JYD slams him and headbutts Funk, who rolls out to the apron. Jimmy tried to trip the Dog, so he chases him around outside, then backdrops a charging Funk. Funk punches away back in, then grabs a sleeper. JYD then gets a sleeper of his own, but drops Funk to pull Hart in. Funk waffles him with the megaphone and gets the pin. * The Dog blocks the branding iron and hits Funk with it, then punches Hart in the face. JYD pulls Hart's pants off, and brands his butt.

Capt. Lou (as Julius Caesar) and King Kong Bundy (as Zorro) are about to have a pie eating contest.
We see the first SNME appearance of "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Elizabeth here. Albano is YOUR winner.

Piper's Pit with the hillbilly family. He calls Jim "Mrs. Elmer." He asks Elmer what went on on the wedding night, which Elmer answers is "none of your business." Jim says if Jesse Ventura is such a man, why doesn't he come up here and say his comments from the wedding to their faces. Jesse gets in the ring and says he isn't backing down on nothin'. Bob Orton bends over behind Cousin and they schoolboy him, but Jim and Elmer clear the ring.  I think you can see what is being set up here.

It's time for the Great Pumpkin Dunk. JYD (dressed as a Mummy), Cousin Junior and Tito Santana (also Zorro?) vs. Heenan, Savage and Elizabeth. Heenan cheats because of course he does. Heenan gets seven to Junior's four.

Okerlund with Heenan, Bundy and Big John Studd. They predict victory over Hogan and Andre. Gene calls the faces the Dream Team, while Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake are already tag team champions with that name.

Studd and Bundy vs. Hogan and Andre- Albano is with the faces, possibly to counteract Heenan. Hogan shoves Bundy to start, and drops him with a kneelift. Hogan almost gets Bundy up for a slam, and hits his usual. Andre in, with chokes and butt-related offense. Hogan hits an axehandle from the top, but gets doubleteamed. Studd shoulders Hogan down, but Hogan back suplexes him. Andre back in with chops. Andre accidentally struck the ref, according to Ventura, as a donnybrook breaks out. Another ref comes out and restores order...as Saturday Night's Main Event rolls on. Andre pounds on Studd when we return, and Hogan tags and clothesline him. Vince calls Andre the Big Boss Man as he steps back in. Big boot by the Giant, and Bundy gets Andre caught in the ropes. Bundy splashes Hogan, and the heels doubleteam Andre while he's tied up. Now the ref calls for the bell. *1/2. I know the workers here are horrendous, but I thought a match this big would get more time. Hogan and Andre get their hands raised by Joey Marella. Okerlund talks to them, and Andre "didn't get enough!"

Okerlund tells us we are moments away from a Tito Santana-Randy Savage intercontiental title bout. Cool! So this is even before the title change. Elizabeth is asked why she is managing Randy, and says she's always had an interest in sports. McMahon calls out Okerlund for looking letcherously at Elizabeth. Pot, kettle.

WWF Intercontiental title, Tito Santana (c) vs. Randy Savage- I figured Savage won the belt on his first try, so this is interesting. After some stalling and punching Savage takes advantage, gets hiptossed but hits an axehandle for two. Jesse questions Chico's cardio after that one. Macho slams him and goes for an axehandle, but Tito hits him in the midsection. Tito fires away as a dude in the front row jumps up and down. Tito slam, and Savage bails. Tito fires on him outside, and Savage slides into the ring to cheapshot him. Savage tries a piledriver and they both get counted out. *3/4 Had I known about this match (and been watching at the time), I would have thought it was only a matter of time before Savage won the belt.

We see the famous (at least with my friends) clip of Mr. Fuji seemingly twisting his ears, in preparation for his match with Ricky Steamboat. Then we see what appears to be the Sheik and Volkoff making out, but it turns out they are playing the pumpkin passing game.

We go to Roddy Piper's "rented American house." Ooooh- is this the Halloween Safety Tips as heard on Wrestlecrap Radio? Actually, Piper is wrapping bricks and bowling balls for the children, so probably not. Vinnie Mac conducts the interview, and infers Piper's home in Scotland doesn't have indoor plumbing. One kid is Hulk Hogan, and IS THAT STEPHANIE MCMAHON?! The bowling ball breaks a kid's bag, and Piper steals the candy. To be fair, that's why you use a plastic pumpkin for TorT'ing. The kids gave Piper chocolate covered red peppers.

Hulk tells Vicious Vince he likes what he just saw.

Fuji breaks a break with a karate chop, and a board on his head.

Kung Fu Challenge match, Mr. Fuji vs. Ricky Steamboat- We see a clip of Magnificent Muraco and Fuji choking Steamboat. Ricky tells Gene tonight he will break out the Dragon. Maybe he should crawl to the ring and be all scarily painted up. Anyway, Fuj throws chops that get blocked, then Steaboat chops him and hits an enziguri (!). Fuj kicks his legs like Jose Aldo, and drops a headbutt to the groin, just like Bruce Lee was famous for. More chops and kicks, then Fuj hiptosses Steamboat. Fuj tries a suplex, which Steamboat reverses. What exactly are the rules here? Steamboat goes to the top and hits a dropkick for the win. * Muraco then blinds Steamboat, who gets double-teamed.

Pumpkin Pass- JYD passes to Santana, who passes to a Hillbilly, who passes to Jim, to Albano, who dropped it. Now the heel team's turn- Bundy to Nikolai to the Sheik to Elizabeth. Piper rubs up against Liz for awhile until it's dropped. Savage yells at her, though he should really be mad at Piper. That clip was also in the Coliseum Video ad, and I didn't know what non-sexual thing could've been happening there with Piper and Liz. I unfortunately couldn't find that ad to act as a visual aid. Sorry.

Saturday Night's Main Event #2

From the Meadowlands

"Mean" Gene warns we may be on the brink of an international crisis. Nikolai Volkoff says he's going to win the belt, and take it back to Russia. He's also wearing a swank jacket.

Hulk (without Gene) says Volkoff is no threat to him or America. He's hot about Volkoff going around, waving his flag.

Gene talks to Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer about Elmer's upcoming wedding. "Rowdy" Roddy Piper comes in and rambles.

WWF title match, Nikolai Volkoff vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- Nikolai gets the treatment that Rusev does today when he tries to sing his national anthem. Hogan then spouts some patriotic BS that also could come into play today. Volkoff attacks from behind, and rams Hulk to the buckles. Hogan in white gear does take some mental readjustments to get used to. Hogan clotheslines him twice, and drops an elbow. Headbutt, and a punch drops the Russian. Volkoff takes a big boot to the chest and falls out. First he sends Nikolai to the post, but then Volkoff reverses a similiar attempt. Volkoff drops an axehandle to Hulk's back. Volkoff presses Hulk into a backbreaker, which was actually impressive. That gets two. Hogan gets whipped into the corner. Hogan gets a backdrop, but Volkoff takes over. Bodyslam gets two, then we get the Hulk Up. Volkoff misses a charge, Hogan legdrops him for the 1-2-3. Hulk then spits on the Russian flag and cleans his boot with it. No wonder the rest of the world hates us. Then Hulky gets to wave the flag around.

Gene with Hulk. He's gonna show that "wrestlers are nice people too" at the wedding later.
They show us the bride. I hope Elmer isn't watching. We then go to the three hillbillies. That Cousin Junior sure looks the part. But where is Big Bart?!

Uncle Elmer vs. Jerry Valiant- Is this the guy Vince Jr. always emulated and wanted to be? Valiant charges, Elmer slams/falls on him, and that's all she wrote. That easily beats Bundy-S.D. Jones.  And in fact they go to a clip of that match. Elmer's was six seconds.

Arnold  Schwarzenegger is shown in the crowd. This is 14 years before he socked Triple H and got a WWF title belt, and 32 before he was on Celebrity Apprentice and became an unlikely voice of reason.

Jesse hosts The Body Shop with guest Bobby Heenan. He says Paul Orndorff fired him. I'm kind of confused by this- didn't Orndorff turn face against Piper on the last SNME? Now Bobby has a $15,000 bounty on Orndorff.

Paul Orndorff vs. Roddy Piper- Orndorff has his fists taped, so you know he's ready to go. The ref has to hold him back as Piper enters. We also see Heenan coming out with a briefcase, calling for Roddy. The two slug it out, and Piper gets a clothesline. He kicks Paul in the head, then rams his head into the mat. I have a feeling this will end in a schmoz soon. Piper hits a DDT and stomps his head. They spill outside, and they ram each other into a table. Paul axehandles him inside, and hits a suplex. Piper gets an eyepoke, then a kneelift. They collide and fall to the mat. Piper dives onto knees, and they both flip to the floor. Piper misses a chairshot, and they brawl to the back. Piper slips into his dressing room, and won't let Orndorff in.

Weddin'.  Mean Gene tickles the ivories, and Jesse famously says he looks like the Phantom of the Opera. I have no idea what events led up to this. Andre is there complete with trunks and Giant gut. Judge George Sorvino doing the honors. "I, Uncle Elmer..." Elmer was gone from the WWF like a year later, too. Maybe NBC wanted Vince to do a wedding on an SNME, and this was the best he could come up with. So of course Piper comes out during the objection portion. Hogan points at him and Piper leaves. "It looks like two carp in the river going after the same corn"- future Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura.

There are loose pigs at the reception backstage, because of course there are.

Gene with Bobby Heenan, Big John Studd and King Kong Bundy. I've been rewatching '93 and '94 Raws, and now I'm wondering something- did Bundy get an eye job or something before his return? They seem more pronounced and bulging upon his return.

Bundy/Studd vs. Andre/Tony Atlas- Andre chokes Bundy with his own singlet to start. Andre rams his butt into Bundy in the corner, and delivers chops. Andre used Atlas' head to headbutt Bundy because, well, you know. Bundy elbows Atlas but misses an elbowdrop. Studd in, and he shoulderblocks Atlas, who leapfrogs and headbutts him. Atlas almsot slams him, then misses a dropkick. Andre headbutts Studd from the apron, then Bundy splashes Atlas. Big boot on Studd, but Bundy attacks his sternum. Studd rammed Atlas into the ringpost outside back-first. Bundy avalanches Andre, and Studd does the same as the ref calls for the bell. Andre and Atlas won by DQ. Andre knocks their noggins but the numbers game gets the best of him until Hogan runs in. Atlas then becomes the third wheel, the Hercules to Hogan and Andre's Mega Powers. I'll give it a * and move on.

Gene talks to Hogan, who says Andre and Atlas are the real winners.

We see Gene dressed for safari in a tiger-striped truck. Ah, they're at the Detroit Zoological Park, makes sense. He finds George Steele by a camel. We also see a clip of the classic Steele "how now brown cow" segment from TNT. They look at a bunch of animals, inclding a "Detroit" tiger, according to George. Gene would don the same gear for a safari segment on SNME five years later.

WWF tag team championship, Rene Goulet/Lanny Poffo vs. The Dream Team- Trivia time- did Jimmy Hart ever manage Brutus Beefcake back in his 80s heel days? I remembered Johnny V, but when I was watching '93 Raws I could've sworn Jimmy had managed Brutus before. Gene asks them about Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo, who Beefcake and Greg Valentine won the titles from. The U.S. Express is watching from ringside, though I think Windham was gone from the WWF soon after. Valentine grapples with Leapin' Lanny on the mat. Valentine slams him and tags Brutus. Lanny fights them both off, and dropkicks the Butcher. A slam sets up a moonsault (!) for two. Valentine breaks it up and Beefcake takes over. The Dreams double team and make quick tags. Brutus bodyslams Poffo, who then tags Garea. Hiptoss and dropicks by Garea, and a bodypress gets two. Brutus gets a backelbow and tags Valentine, who gets Garea in the figure four. Garea waves to submit, and Beefcakes dumps Poffo out. **1/2. The Dream Team keeps working over Garea. The champs have the familiar 80's belts now.

Wedding reception- Vince and Jesse are at Hulk and Orndorff's table. Hulk says "it was a beautiful wedding, Vicious Vince." Orndorff thought it was great. Gene shows Cousin Junior how to eat, and Poffo reads a poem. Hillbilly Jim then does a toast. Joyce and Elmer welcome Tiny Tim, who was a part of his own TV wedding. He gave them a ukulele. Jesse then reads a poem about missing wrestling and romance. He must not have liked the WAR promotion in the '90s, then. Hillbilly pushed Jesse into the cake after that.

Vince tells Hulk that Heenan accepted the challenge, and Hogan and Andre will face Bundy and Studd in four weeks on the next episode. So just chillllllllll....

Saturday Night's Main Event #1

May 11, 1985, at the Nassau County Coliseum

Cyndi Lauper tells Wendy Richter not to let the Fabulous Moolah grab her hair, and to "beat, annihilate and destroy" Moolah. Hulk and Mr. T pity "Cowboy" Bob Orton. That's mean; Randy was only like 8 then!

Vince and Jesse welcome us to the festivities. Two title matches!

The Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff/George Steele vs. Barry Windham/Mike Rotundo/Ricky Steamboat- In the pre-match interview Capt. Lou threatens to bust Freddie Blassie wide open. Sheiky Baby and Nikolai beat Windham and Rotundo for the tag team belts at Wrestlemania 1. Steamboat is in regular trunks, as was the style then. Windham and Sheik start off the first-ever SNME match. Barry hits right hands, and tackles him down. Sheik does a leapfrog (!) and gets hiptossed and slammed. Quick tags as they work Sheik's arm. Rotundo slams and elbows Sheik for two. Steamboat hits chops and Sheik wraps him in an abdominal stretch. Hiptosses by the faces all around AS SNME ROLLS ON. When we returns Steamboat powerslams Sheik, then hits a dropkick off the top, then a flying bodypress. Volkoff breaks it up and gets tagged. Steamboat and Windham get double-dropkicks, and the U.S. Express gets back elbows. Steele breaks up a pin attempt, and Rotundo gets a couple more nearfalls. Windham gets a great jumping sunset flip, then Steele is finally tagged. His partners drop to the floor when he tries to tag out, then Windham rolls him up for the pin. I wonder if this is Steele's official face turn? Since his partners jumped him and he cleaned house, I'm gonna say yes. Albano then calms Steele down.

"Mean" Gene Okerlund interviews the heels, which ends in a brawl when Steele and Albano walk past them.

Next is Piper's Pit. We first take a look at the Mania main event six weeks ago. Paul Orndorff is the guest. He orders "Dunce" Orton to get in the corner. This is done in the ring; I always preferred these segments done in the sets in the back of the arena. Roddy points out Orndorff is the one who got pinned, not Piper. Piper says Paul lost his guts, and Orndorff says Piper has been drinking too much of his own bathwater. Piper feigns leaving ,but tries to attack. Orndorff gets the better of him and tries a piledriver, but he gets waylayed by Orton's cast. Mr. T then comes out for the save. I can't wait to get to the point of the Orndorff-Hogan breakup and cage match on these shows.

Okerlund with Hogan. Hulk says it'll be a special match for his mother, brother.

WWF championship, Bob Orton vs. Hulk Hogan (c)- I think it's funny how Hulk seemingly got a new, different title belt every year during his reign. This one's at least better than the horrendous green one he won from the Sheik. Orton tries to attack from behind, but Hogan engages him in fisticuffs. Baaaaackbody drop, then two slams. Make that three. Orton bails to confer with Piper. Orton whips him into the buckle, but Hulk evades his charge. Arm wringer and elbows by Hulk, who then bites Orton's head. Hulk smashes Orton's casted arm into the post, but eats a flying knee afterwards. Orton drops elbows and other basic offense for near falls. Hogan eventually Hulks Up, and hits a clothesline and elbowdrop for two. Hulk punches him in the corner, but Orton atomic drops him. Orton tries a superplex, but gets knocked down. Hulk hits an elbow off the rope, then the legdrop, but Piper interferes. *1/2. This didn't move me at all. Orndorff runs in to help Hogan and Mr. T. I think this will be the beginning of a beauuuuutiful friendship.

Gene talks to the Fabulous Pimp, Moolah. She's sick of Lauper interfering. I'm sick(ened) by the stories I've heard about her in the past couple of years, so there.

Now Gene's with Lauper, Richter and David Wolf. Cyndi says if Moolah's upset about what happened at "Wrestlingmania," something unintelligible. My original copy tells me they played Lauper's "Good Enough" video, which featured lots of WWF wrestlers, here.

WWF women's championship, The Old Pimptress vs. Wendy Richter (c)- The music they dubbed over "She Bop" is far less exciting. Moolah gives Howard Finkel a scroll (which she probably stole from Cleopatra) that says Lauper is banned from ringside. Moolah dominates with chokes and hair pulls. The dinosaur tosses Richter out, and knees her in the chest. Moolah taunts the crowd, and talkes an awkward bump to the floor. Richter attacks her and throws her back in. Baaaack bodydrop by Moolah, and Richter eventually wins with a small package. They were too busy focusing on Lauper. * by 1985 standards, but if this was on Smackdown today there would be riots.

The Junk Yard Dog with his mom. He brought her to New York for Mother's Day. "Bertha" is real proud, and hopes he comes home really soon.

Pete Doherty vs. JYD- Good for the Duke of Dorchester, appearing on the first SNME.  JYD headbutts Doherty, and hits a big clothesline. JYD pulls the Duke's hair, then throws him back in. There he no-sells Duke's punches, then headbutts him on the mat. JYD slams Duke off the top, and headbutts him. Powerslam for the 1-2-3. * JYD and supposed mother dance in the ring afterward.
A Mother's Day part is being held in the back. Bertha is still "real proud." Sheik is sick and tired of Lauper. Blassie pulls the bit of his mother being a young woman, which I didn't get when Jerry Lawler did it, either. Hulk appears with his shoot mother Ruth, who was there when he won the belt. Lauper's "mother" is also there, though I smell BS. Moolah struts in dressed like DX Shawn Michaels, and berates Lauper's mother. Moolah says she looks like a latrine, and she and Gene get thrown into a cake. Hilarity!

I'm sure the workrate will be mostly non-existant on these shows, but I'm looking forward to getting into late-86, early-87, the period when I started watching. This particular episode didn't move me, but YMMV.

WCW Great American Bash 1998

June 14, 1998

Hosted by Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Mike Tenay.

Live from Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, MD

 “Mean” Gene goes over the history of Sting and The Giant over the tag team championship. They won the title at Slamboree when Giant was nWo Black and White, and Sting later joined nWo Wolfpac. The winner picks their tag team partner, and The Giant said he would pick The Disciple.

Chris Benoit vs. Booker T. Eighth match of the Best-of-7 for the TV title shot. On the previous Thunder, Bret Hart clobbered Booker with a chair, and Benoit didn’t want to win that way and told Nick Patrick, who disqualified him. Booker then said he wanted to go one more time at the ppv. Stevie Ray was not pleased with that decision. Benoit armdrags from a lockup to start, followed by a Booker hiptoss. Hart apparently offered an nWo black and white T-shirt to Benoit on Thunder, which he neither accepted nor rejected. Booker headlock, whip and Benoit trips him up. Benoit grabs a hammerlock, reversed by Booker. Benoit locks it on again, and Booker takes control with a punch and slam. Benoit gets a dragon screw legwhip to hurt Booker’s knee. Benoit lays in chops, and a couple of near falls. More restholds than I’d expect here. Booker leapfrogs, but eats a chop. Tenay says Benoit is using the headlock to weaken Booker for the crossface. Booker misses a bodypress off the top, and Benoit goes for the crossface, but Booker gets the ropes. Booker gets an enziguri and sidewalk slam, bodyslam and spinaroni. Benoit superplexes Booker before he can missile dropkick. Rolling Germans into a dragon suplex gets two. Benoit whipped into corner, and gets scissorkicked. Missile dropkicks gets the win. I’d say ***3/4 stars. He’ll fight Finley later in the show.

Chavo Guerrero talks to Lee Marshall at wcwwrestling.com.

Sat-turn (ooh yeah!) vs. Kanyon. Mortis had recently been unmasked, and was supposed to face Raven. A fake Mortis entered, and Kanyon sneak attacked from behind. Kanyon dominates and knocks Kidman off the apron. Saturn gets a kick combo, but Kanyon legdrops Saturn off the ropes. The Flock pulls out Kanyon, and Saturn dives on everyone. Saturn places Kanyon on the ropes, and hits a springboard clothesline to the outside. Saturn springboards off a chair inside, then a triple jump moonsault. Kanyon misses an elbow, Saturn hits a neckbreaker. The pace slows down, and Kanyon hits a hot shot. Both get near falls, Saturn turns the Rings of Saturn to a pin for two. Kanyon hits an F5 for two, then a reversed version of it for two. Saturn suplexes out of a reverse Russian Legsweep, tries a DVD, then a sidekick. Both fall outside from the turnbuckle, and Raven, dressed as Mortis, fights another Mortis inside and outside the ring. Reverse Russian Legsweep, and Kanyon wins. Raven Mortis Evenflows Kanyon. ***. Raven bashes Saturn verbally until the Flock strikes, and Saturn throws suplexes as Raven escapes.

Dean Malenko vs. Chris Jericho. Malenko forfeited the cruiserweight belt for another shot at Y2J. Winner gets the title. Jericho’s father Ted Irvine apparently appeared on the previous Thunder. Dean punches Jericho down, and chokes away. Jericho hits a shoulderblock, tries the Liontamer, but Dean gets out. Deano Machino hits a brainbuster for two. Flair flip from Jericho leads to a dive on Malenko outside. Suplex, and “C’Mon Baby!” pin. Jericho with the sleeper, and Dean locks in one of his own. Jericho takes over, and does the goosestep. He misses the Lionsault, and gets dropkicked, and Dean gets two. Bulldog from the top. Jericho hurricanranas Dean from the top. Jericho gets the Liontamer, but Dean makes the ropes. Another try, and Malenko gets the Texas Cloverleaf. Jericho gets the bottom rope, then gets a backbreaker. He taunts Dean about his deceased father, and Dean snaps and hits Jericho with a chair outside. They fight to the back, and Jericho flees, almost getting hit by a car in the process. ***-ish. Malenko is disqualified, and Jericho wins the title.

Eddie Guerrero apologizes to Chavo at the Internet position.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Reese- A video package shows Juvy (now unmasked) in Mexico. “Reese is tall, Juvy is small,” Lodi’s sign reads. Reese was a member of the Flock, and was a really big guy. Reese overpowers Juvy, who keeps punching and getting swatted away. Juvy plays cat-and-mouse outside, springboards onto him, but gets posted. Reese throws Juvy back in. Juvy attacks the knee. Juvy jumps on his back from the ropes, and rakes his eyes. Reese falls to a knee, but falls back with Juvy. Backbreaker stretches Juvy. He shakes Juvy in a bearhug. Juvy low blows him, but runs into a fist. Reese grabs a chair, the ref grabs it, and Van Hammer whacks Reese with a chair into a hurricanrana for the win. **. I believe Hammer had recently quit/been kicked out of the Flock.

Chavo vs. Eddie Guerrero- Chavo slaps Eddie to start. They exchange slaps, and Chavo backdrops him. Eddie hits his shoulder on the post, and Chavo takes over. Two hurricanranas, and Eddie bails. Chavo throws him in, but Eddie catches him. Chavo hits a moonsault for two. Eddie ducks and charges, and Chavo goes out. Brainbuster inside, and Eddie slaps him until Chavo snaps. Eddie runs, and Chavo chases until Eddie hides behind the ref, Eddie attacks the knee, and locks in a figure four. Gory special, to a camel clutch. Hanging backbreaker, and he spins Chavo and drops him. Eddie backdropped out, and corkscrew splash out. Eddie plays possum, and knocks Chavo off the top. Eddie misses a frog splash. Tornado DDT, and Chavo goes out. Hits another for a surprise win. Feels like another ***, as it just was slower than I would have expected.

Booker T vs. Fit Finley. I had forgotten about this one. Harlem Sidekick gets one. Chops, and Booker clotheslines him out, and dives onto him. Back in, but Finley turns a scissorkick into a powerbomb, then puts him in a leglock.  Finley stomps away, and works the leg. Booker gets two from a backslide. Not much is going on here. Finley throws him outside. Inside, Vaderbomb by Finley. Booker hits the sidekick, and a powerslam. Scissorkick, and spinaroni, but Finley knocks him down. He goes for a tombstone, but Booker reverses. Finley misses a charge, and Booker piledrives him for a win. **1/4, was kind of boring. Stevie Ray comes out to congratulate Booker.

Konnan vs. Goldberg. Curt Hennig and Rick Rude lead Konnan in. Hmm, Goldberg was from Parts Unknown at this point. He was also the U.S. champion. Goldberg headlocks K-Dawg, and puts him in an anklelock. Konnan kicks Goldberg, but gets speared. Jackhammer spells a quick end. This was his 100th win, supposedly. Hennig and Rude then jump their teammate, revealing an now black and white shirt. Lex Luger and Kevin Nash run in for the save. *

Piper/Savage vs. Hart/Hogan. Piper and Savage weren’t getting along, and were scheduled for a match following this. First time that either team has been together, Tenay says. Hogan was champion at the time. Piper brawls with Hogan to start, and Macho and Piper doubleteam. Quick tags on Hogan. Disciple slips Hogan the belt to hit Piper. Hart takes over on Piper. Doubleteam on Piper. Savage goes crazy trying to get in. Macho swings a chair on the outside, and Piper gets Hart with it. Savage gets in with Hogan, goes for the flying elbow, but his knee gives out and he falls. Hart locks on the sharpshooter, and Savage gives up. *1/2. Savage was crippled, Piper and Hogan were old, and Bret wasn’t that involved or maybe into it.

Mean Gene tries to get an interview, asking Piper how they can have a match, Piper helps Macho up, and Macho clotheslines Piper down. Elbowdrop from Macho for two. Macho nails the referee, and Piper locks on the figure four for the win. Barely was a match.

Giant vs. Sting, WCW tag team title- They had a rematch on Raw two years ago. Giant comes out smoking a cigarette, for some reason. Tenay said Sting talked about Giant needing to get in better shape and to stop smoking in an interview, and thought this was a response. He blows smoke in Sting’s face, and he slaps Giant. Giant misses a splash, and gets Stinger splashed. He kicks down Sting on another attempt, though. Chops on Sting in the corner. Sting tries a bodypress, but bounces off. Sting gets launched into the top turnbuckle. Bearhug, he gets out and hits two Stinger splashes, and bodyslams Giant. Impressive. Scorpion Deathlock, but Giant is too strong. Scorpion Death Drop gets only two. Sting blocks a chokeslam, and hits the Scorpion Death Drop again for two. Giant charges to the corner but gets kicked, and Sting hits the death drop off the turnbuckle for the win. **. Seemed short and was mostly both doing their finishers, but OK for what it was. Sting teamed with Nash and Luger later I believe, much like the Spirit Squad and Demolition have done.

Wrap-up: A decent show for the time period. The Hogan/Hart vs. Savage/Piper stuff did nothing for me, and Giant and Sting fighting over the tag belts wasn’t a great main event. As usual at the time, the undercard saved the show, though I felt Eddie and Chavo never did have the match they were capable of, here or in WWE. Jericho and Malenko was a great feud too, but they didn’t have a typical cruiserweight match here. Benoit and Booker was good too, but I think they had better, including earlier this year.