From Providence, Rhode Island
Hulk Hogan and the Junkyard Dog will apparently have the Haiti Kid with them. And, oh God, I saw Uncle Elmer in the show's intro. Please don't be so.
We see the Funk's beating JYD/Tito Santana at Wrestlemania 2 by use of the megaphone. They responded to Haiti Kid by bringing along Jimmy Jack Funk.
The Funk Brothers vs. Hulk/JYD- I like how the name "Dory" just wasn't distinct/southern enough for noted hillbilly enthusiast/idiot Vince McMahon, but Terry was apparently just fine. JYD slams Terry and Hoss to start, and Hulk (with Dog's chain around his neck) headbutts the Funks a la JYD. Hoss fails to slam Dog, and JYD responds with a slam. Terry in, and misses a charge in the corner and rolls outside. Funk runs and grabs Haiti Kid, but he goes under the ring. JYD clotheslines Terry inside. Now we got Hulk vs. Hoss, as Hogan continues to run through the former NWA world champions. The Funks do-si-do on a crisscross, and Hogan gives Terry a big boot and clotheslines Hoss. He slams Hoss and drops an elbow for two. JYD clotheslines Hoss as Heenan calls him an illiterate. Terry and Hoss work JYD over in the corner, and the ref keeps Hogan out. JYD eventually gets the advantage of a slugfest with Terry, and evades a Hoss charge. Hogan in and he throws Terry out. Hart waffles Haiti Kid with the branding iron, and Hulk runs after Hart. Terry kicks Haiti in the head, then JYD carries him to the back as we head to break. Hulk slams Hoss and knocks Terry onto the announce table. Dog is back as Hoss throws forearms in the corner. Hulk suplexes him for two. JYD headbutts Hoss, and when Hogan goes outside Funk hits him with the iron. He rams Hulk into the railing, and JYD slams Funk and then Hulk baaaaaack bodydrops Terry on the floor. Hulk goes back in and Haiti Kid is now back. Hoss punches Dog in the esophagus. Hoss uppercuts him, then tags his brother. A doubleclothesline puts them both down. Terry misses a headbutt from the top. Hogan clotheslines both, legdrops Terry and gets the 1-2-3. *** The Funks hold Haiti so Hart can hit him. Hulk drags Hart and kid out before he can be branded, then Hulk holds Jimmy so the Kid can clap him. Hulk scares the heels off with the bell, and then he and JYD celebrate.
King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle Elmer- I'm so fucking excited (sarcasm). Bundy weighed 468 at the official weigh-in earlier. Elmer had a bucket of fried pig parts and he stepped on the scales. 430. Vince yee-has as Elmer enters. Sigh. Heenan stays on commentary. Bundy shoulderblocks Elmer but can't drop him. He finally drops, and Bundy chokes him. Heenan says he looks like "the Heindenberg in Denim." He slams his giant ass into Bundy to break free, and splashes him in the corner. Elmer misses another one, and Bundy pins him with an elbow. 3/4*
Adrian Adonis discusses how hot his opponent Paul Orndorff is. Then we see Orndorff and Okerlund in a sauna together in a pretape. I'lI leave the jokes here to Scott Keith in his review.
Paul Orndorff vs. Adrian Adonis- Armdrag by Orndorff and slams to start. I think a young Tim White is the ref here. Orndorff drags Adonis in, and he does a Flair Flip right back out. McMahon is as sensitive as you'd expect about Adonis wearing a dress in the ring, while Heenan takes the sensible "that is his preference" side. Orndorff locks on an abdonimal stretch. It's all even more ridiculous that Vince supposedly came up with this gimmick for Adonis after he gained weight. Adonis briefly takes advantage but gets sent out of the ring. Orndorff pulls Jimmy Hart in, and tosses him onto Adonis. Orndorff airplane spins Adonis, who pulls him to the floor. Orndorff posts him, then chases Hart in to the ring. Adonis waffles him with the megaphone. Adonis has his heat segment, but Orndorff moves before a kneedrop. Adonis slams him and gets a vertical suplex. Adonis flips over in the ropes to get tied up, and dropkicks Adonis. Orndorff then strips Adonis and chokes him with his dress. Orndorff, seemingly enraged with homophobia, throws the ref down for the DQ. DUD I didn't like this it all, and was embarrassed this ran even in 1986. I'm desperately waiting for these shows to improve.
We go to Gene and Hulk sitting in the empty arena before the show. First they show King Kong Bundy beating up Hulk in Phoenix on the last SNME. We then see footage of Hogan vs.Bundy at WM2. Hulk has his hit list, and he's going to take out Bundy, Muraco and Fuji one by one.
Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat- doesn't happen. Jake jumps him right away, DDTs him on the floor, and drapes Damian on him. This garnered mucho heat and I think they had a blowoff at The Big Event.
WWF tag team title 2 out of 3 falls, British Bulldogs (c) vs. Nikolai Volkoff, The Iron Sheik- McMahon also doesn't like foreigners singing their national anthems in 'Merica, of course. Davey evades Nikolai and gets two. Davey gets dropped onto the top rope. The Sheik German suplexes him and then the Camel Clutch gets a quick submission for Fall #1.
Fall 2- Sheik gives Davey a baaaaack bodydrop. Bet he couldn't have done that in '91 to Davey. Clothesline leads to an abdominal stretch on the Bulldog. He gets out but misses an elbowdrop. Volkoff clotheslines him and stomps on his tummy. Davey gets a sunset flip but Sheik is distracting the ref. Volkoff rams Davey into the Sheik's boot. Tilt-a-whirl suplex gets two. Davey atomic drops Sheik for two. Nikolai almost gator-rolls Davey for two. Davey hits a back elbow but can't get the tag. Blassie sets Davey on the bottom rope and Sheik jumps on him. Bodyslam by Volkoff gets two. Davey runs him into Sheik for the pin.
Fall 3- Kid has a torn ligament in his left knee, Vince says. The heels doubleteam Davey. Sheik gets a Boston Crab but Davey makes the ropes. Davey powerslams Sheik but Volkoff breaks up the pin. Davey tags Dynamite, and Sheik puts him in a bearhug. Volkoff then does the same. Another tilt-a-whirl and then the Camel Clutch. As the ref argues with Volkoff, Davey breaks up the clutch and rolls up Sheik himself. It was illegal, and in no way should count, but that was something. **1/2.
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