Bobby "The Brain" Heenan tells the Ultimate Warrior this is no fairy tale. "I will take the belt," Andre the Giant says. Dusty Rhodes is going to teach the Big Boss Man that justice is a lady, and is blind. Slick calls Dusty a common thief; he stole from the finest American crime fighter since "nananananana Batman!" Hulk Hogan says we'll see how smart the Genius is, when he tries to solve the problem Einstein, Play-to (his pronunciation) and Socrates (Johnson?) couldn't- whatcha gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you?
Jesse "The Body" Ventura's mustache looks fake.
We take a look at footage of the Ultimate Warrior carrying his beaten opponent to the back, being stopped by Heenan, and Andre attacking him and choking him.
Jesse tells Heenan and Andre that the Giant has a psycological advantage after the attack. Andre said something unintelligible while making a choking gesture.
WWF Intercontiental championship, Andre the Giant vs. The Ultimate Warrior (c)- I'm guessing this will be Andre's last appearance on SNME. Warrior tells "Mean" Gene Okerlund that he only feasts on the fruit of victory. Yep. Andre rubs his hands together waiting to get his hands on the Warrior. Helwig goes to the middle buckle and bounces and Andre attacks. He chokes Warrior against the top rope, and headbutts him. Heenan walks away (which Jesse says is because he's confidant in Andre), and Warrior goes back in. He chokes Andre with his strap, then chokes him bouncing off the ropes. Warrior went for a clothesline, but Andre evades him and Helwig hits the floor. Andre punches Warrior in the midsection, then stretches his arms behind his back. Warrior gets out by using his butt, and clotheslines Andre to the floor. Andre grabs the ref's ankle trying to get back in. When Warrior comes over Andre punches him in the throat. Andre chokes him with the bottom rope, and chops his neck. Warrior then locks in a bearhug. Andre headbutts his way out. Warrior charges him in the corner, and Andre locks on his own bearhug. Warriors clubs away with forearms. Andre headbutts him in the gut, but Warrior then slugs Andre in the tummy. Warrior unloads with chops, and Andre headbutts him. Andre misses a roundhouse right, and a clothesline knocks Andre into the ropes. Warrior then runs right into Andre's outstretched foot. Heenan grabs the belt, goes in the ring and tries to whip Warrior with it. He misses and Warrior gets ahold of it. Warrior forearms Heenan and throws him onto Andre. The ref then calls for the bed. Andre and Warrior fought over the belt outside. *3/4. Sue me, I enjoyed the match for what it was. It doesn't always have to be flippy-dos and Superkick Parties.
Jesse talks to the Genius, who is apparently over 10 feet tall between the ears.
WWF championship, Hulk Hogan vs. The Genius- Gene ask Hogan how he's going to deal with the Genius' IQ and acrobatics. Hogan said mathematically he can't win- take the Three Demandments, 24 -inch pythons, multiply by the Hulkamaniacs. Sounds like some Steiner math! Genius offers a handshake, and Hogan offer his left hand. Genius stretches in preparation, and floats liek a butterfly. they lock up, and Hogan shoves him to the floor. Hulk points at his head, which in wrestling always means you're actually stupid. Hogan shoves Genius to the mat, but he kips up. Hulk hiptosses the Genius, and gives him a big bodyslam. Hulk tries the big boot, but Genius slides outside, then writes an equation on his scroll. Jesse calls it computerized wrestling, but Alexandra York didn't come along until a year later. Genius gets an arm drag, and skips around and celebrates. Genius backs Hogan into the corner, then slaps him. That's a good equation there. Genius cartwheels while Hogan waits in the corner. Hulk then gets mad and clotheslines him twice, rams him to the buckles, and hits a back elbow. Hulk then prances around like he's inferring something about Genius' preferences. Be a man, Hulk (sorry, wrong Poffo). Hulk atomic drops him, then mocks the Genius' selling. He hits a back suplex, and drops elbows on the Genius. Hogan then rakes his eyes with his boot. Hulk punches Genius in the corner, as Mr. Perfect comes out and grabs the championship belt. Hennig squishes his gum onto the belt's front plate. Hogan comes out and menaces Perfect, and Genius dropkicks Hulk into the post. He then whips Hogan into the post and rolls in. Genius kicks Hogan when he tries to roll in, until Hulk break the count. Genius goes for a moonsault, and that gets two. Hulk launches him off as he Hulks Up, though. He hits the big boot, but picks Genius up. Poffo rakes his eyes and back, and Hogan responds in kind. Hulk launches Poffo to the floor, and Perfect tends to him. Hogan goes out and pulls Perfect away, and throws Poffo back in. Perfect hits Hogan in the head with the belt while the Genius distracts the ref, and Poffo wins by countout. ** I guess we know now who is smarter. Hulk pushes Earl Hebner down and runs after them.
We see Dusty saving a jobber from the Big Boss Man beating on him after the bell, and obtaining Boss Man's night stick. Slick tells Gene Dusty is a three-time offender and loser. Boss Man law is "feel the pain, the whole pain, and nothing but the pain." Gene says they are the definition of cruel and unusual punishment: the Boss Man is cruel, and Slick is unusual.
Big Boss Man vs. Dusty Rhodes- This show is pretty blowoff-y, especially coming two days after the Survivor Series. Gene welcomes Dusty to SNME. He's going to show the people that justice does prevail. Dusty says the Slickster has been aiding and abedding, so he's going to pay, too. Jesse sings "he's just a common thief" to Dusty's theme. Slick is having problems with a fan at ringside, so Dusty wants him thrown out. Slick breaks out a manager's license (!), but Dusty throws it to ringside. Boss Man attacks but Dusty punches and Bionic Elbows him. Dusty goes after Slick, so Boss Man blindsides him again. Slick then chokes him and they head outside. The fan is arguing with Slick and Boss Man. I'm sure nothing will come of that, though. Slick goes to kick Dusty, but Dusty starts charging him. Boss Man then cheapshots him. Dusty gets posted and rolled back in. They engage in fisticuffs, and Boss Man works the arm. Dusty runs into a kneelift. He grabs a twisting armbar while Dusty lays on the mat, which is his fave. Slick's ready to sing his song ("Turn out the lights; the party's over") . Boss Man hits a back elbow, but Dusty elbows him in the gut. Boss Man rakes the eyes, whips Dusty to the corner but misses a splash. Dusty hammers away and Flip, Flops and Flies. Dusty looks for Slick and then misses an elbowdrop. Boss Man does his butt splash on the rope thing, and Slick fetches the night stick. He argues with the woman outside, though, and Dusty gets a distraction rollup. *3/4. Dusty then comes over and gets his own billy club. Boss Man yells at Slick outside, then at the woman. Dusty motions for the woman to get in the ring to dance. I thought this would be where she gets named and formally introduced, but the lady would obviously become Sweet Sapphire.
Gene talks to the Red Rooster, who is full of chicken-related puns. And so is Gene.
Red Rooster vs. Mr. Perfect- I saw these two square off at Wrestlefest '88, before they had their gimmicks. Jesse talks to Perfect, and asks him what he was trying to accomplish by stealing Hogan's belt. Hennig tells him you journalists are impatient. He's going to show he's the No. 1 contender. Perfect starts with a slap, and then shoves the Rooster. Taylor hits a kneelift and armdrag takedown, though. Hennig gets a drop toehold, but Rooster grabs a hammerlock and chicken wing. Perfect reaches the rope, and hits a back suplex. He gets a neck snap, but Taylor gets two from a sunset flip. Perfect twists Taylor's neck between his legs, and bad mouths him in the corner. Taylor gets a headbutt and right hand, but Hennig pounds away. Taylor boots a charging perfect, and hits a bulldog. Taylor smashes his head to the mat, and gets a baaaack bodydrop for two. Hennig punches out of a hiptoss attempt, and Now we're going to see the Perfectplex. **1/2. That was a brisk five-minute match, like Goldberg-Brock.
Gene talks to the Rockers. The dissention between the Busters isn't discussed there, but McMahon mentions how Heenan donned the tights at Survivor Series.
Gene then talks to the Busters, who are bickering with Heenan. Heenan says they don't have the tag titles, and Tully says to him we were great a couple of weeks ago when we did. Heenan tells them if they listened to him they'd still have the belts.
Best 2 out of 3 falls, Brain Busters vs. Rockers- The Busters are still having dissension, which on TV started at the Survivor Series days before this (though this match was taped prior). Tully and Marty start. Jannetty gets a headlock, and turns a hiptoss into a slam. Dropkick and armdrag into an ARM-BAR. Tully pulls him down twice by the hair, but Jannety kips, and hits a back elbow. Back to the ARM-BAR. Jannetty cuts off a tag, and Tully misses two elbow drops. Outside Jannetty fights off both Busters. Jannetty tries a sunset flip on Tully back in, but Arn grabs his partner's hands. Shawn Michaels then jumps onto Tully to break that up, and the Rockers take the first fall. Heenan lectures his men, and shoves Blanchard. Heenan bails outside, and the Rockers try a double-pin. Would Blanchard and Jannetty still have been the legal men?
The bell rings for the second round. The Rockers double leapfrog and then savate kick the Busters, who go to teh floor. Heenan heads back to the locker room, and says he's finished with them. Arn and Shawn slug it out. Shawn moonsaults over Arn, armdrags him, flying hurricanranas (for lack of a better term) Tully, and the Rockers whip Arn and double-dropkick both Busters. The Rockers double-hiptoss and elbowdrop Arn, and cheapshot Tully. Heenan is still peaking through the curtain. Arn lowblows Arn and He tags Tully. Marty flips over him punches him in the gut, and Shawn hits a kneelift for two. Arn hotshots Michaels when he tries a flying headscissors on Tully, and the Busters take the second fall.
Jesse catches up with Heenan. Heenan says they're the worst tag team he's ever been associated with. Someday they'll call him from a Skid Row soup kitchen with a dime they bummed from somebody asking him to take them back. "You're fired, you're through."
Third fall begins with Shawn sucking wind, and Tully hammers away on him. He gets whipped into Arn's knee. Arn hits a spinebuster with gusto, but Jannettty breaks up the pin. Arn gets two off of a test of strength, and slingshots Shawn into a Blanchard punch. Tully goes up and hits a forearm, and pops Jannetty before throwing Shawn over the top rope. Arn grabs him but the ref stops him from interfering. Tully tries to ram Shawn to the buckle, but Shawn reverses and hits a bodypress for two. Tully grabs Shawn's ankle to cut off a tag, and Arn comes in and grabs a front facelock. Jannetty punches Arn but he and Shawn knock noggins. Shawn goes under his legs for the tag, and he fires on both Busters. He slams both Horsemen, dropkicks Arn, and Shawn pulls Tully outside. Shawn gets posted, and Arn tries for a piledriver, possibly a spike one. Shawn hits a flying bodypress for the fall and the win. ***1/4.
Gene is back with Perfect and the Genius. Hennig is smashing the WWF championship belt with a hammer. "This has never been a perfect belt, and Hulk Hogan, you are not a perfect champion." He says he'll follow Hogan around to every arena and destroy every belt until he gets a title shot. Genius claims they're exercising their First Amendment rights, but I don't think that applies here. I've heard claims that this isn't the belt that became the Hardcore championship belt years later, but I think that's kooky talk.
Back to Gene, craddling the belt like a dead puppy. Hulk comes in and says it's eating him alive that the Genius got his hand raised. Mr. Perfect cut him to the bone, and is burning his soul alive! You can't ruin Hulkamania by destroying a material belt that symbolizes everything they believe in!
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